UGH! DERN GOOD FOR NOTHING GUIDANCE COUNSELORS!

"guide me, oh great counselor, I need your assistance in this oh so important matter."
"certainly, oh lowly peasant, I will help you, for it is sure you cannot figure things out for yourself."
"bless you, oh lord counselor"

Leave it to someone whose job it is to help you to screw things up even more!

So here's the story:

I go to see my counselor for my senior check-up.
She says I'm on target for graduation.
She says "what are you doing after graduation, oh lowly peasant?"
(well, okey minus the lowly peasant part...)
I say, "El Navy, Senora Couselor-o"
(En Englais)
She says, "Surely not, no! No one was alive then!"
(Minus the Eddie Izzard reference...)
She continues, "A maid as able to earn A's as yourself should not go into the lowly and undeserving post of protecting our country... wouldn't you rather be a designer or an accountant?"
"umm... No."
(The only thing that was ACTUALLY said the way I wrote it...)
"WHAT?! NO?! NO COLLEGE, NO FUTURE LADY! YOU BETTER GET A BACK UP PLAN IN CASE YOU WIMP OUT OF 'EL NAVY'!!!"
And she added a quieter, yet more forcefully, "Why, If I had a daughter as whacko as you I surely would not have a daughter..."
So I said, quietly and complacently, "Ok..."
"OKAY? OKAY?! YOU HAVE TO HAVE A BACK UP PLAN YOU HAVE TO APPLY TO 236 COLLEGES ON THE EAST COAST, AND 567 ABROAD AND ON THE WEST COAST SO YOU CAN HAVE ATLEAST 5 TO CHOOSE FROM AND FILL OUT 678,987,998 FINANCIAL AID PACKETS AND SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATIONS, JUST IN CASE."
"ok... Why?"
"Because you'll miss important and enriching opportunities that YOU MUST HAVE OR ELSE YOU'LL ROT IN A FIERY HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!! MUHAHA, MUHAHAHAHAHA!"
(flames shoot up, her eyes go black, and people outside her office company about the smell of brimstone...yuck.)
"Maybe... it makes sense. I'll talk to my parents about it... Now can I go, PLEASE?"

LATER THAT EVENING
"Ma, this whacko lady at school says I should have a back up plan and I think she might have a good idea... I'm gonna go to this college fair and fill out these forms, just in case--"
(my sister in law chimes in, because of course everything said between my mother and I is automatically her business, for she is an all-knowing goddess of everything...)
"you are dumb. The fact that you are even considering other options show me that you can hack the Navy. You need to not listen to what everyone else says, this lady is nuts, you can get scholarships later, you don't have to apply now and if you do apply now, you might as well just forget about the Navy, because I can tell you don't really want to go"
(another ACTUAL statement)
Mom chimes in, unusually calm, "Whatever you want to do, but if you apply, you can pay for all the applications because I don't have the money."
(Again, actual, and expected, response.)

I knew what my mom would say. Hell, I knew what my sister would say to. But she had no right to. She had no reason to. She just did. The first thing she says to me in an entire blissfully silent week, and afterwards, when I get upset that I've been insulted and marrooned on an emotional island during a monsoon, it of course is my fault because she gets overdramatic with me and I upset her when I tell her that I wish she would just let me talk to my mother without getting all up in my biz-nass.

I literally can't take this. Not right now, not ontop of birthday blues and Mr.Hampster blues, and Mr.Mr blues and school and work... I'm gonna go BONKERS, as if I'm not already...