I usually muse in my blogs with florid word choice and entertainingly descriptive texts, but lately I feel as though I have been depriving you, dear reader. Truth be told I have seriously been neglegting my own devotions to my writing for... shall we say, alternative activities. I feel like I spend all my time thinking scheming and dreaming about being with Mr. Awesomeness (to be called heretoforward Mr. Bunny) that I have neglected some of my fundemental callings in life. Mind you, gentle reader, you shall never hear (or read) a complaint of the former pass my lips (or fingers) it is but a mere observation.

To continue in a slightly different vein, God I miss him. Yes, Lord. I miss him. I miss being close enough to feel him take a breath, I miss seeing his eyes staring back into mine, I miss listening for his footstep to cross his threshold. I am here and he is there, 250 miles away from me. All for the sake of being mature adults. I should have never left him. Around Valentine's day, after having quit the "big Girl Job" and trying in vain to decide the next steps I should take, I went to see him on an impulse. I spent my last 60 dollars in gas and drove straight through, leaving my poor sick father in the uncapable hands of my lunatic of a mother for a full week and a half to try and decipher what type of situation this turn of events placed my life in. Decisions about what type of job to take, where to work and how to get on without him filled my weary heart. And I left him with the promise of returning in two weeks, completely detached of anything holding me from him.

Here is it, a month and change later and I am still here and he is still there. I am buying short moments of time with him by working a meaningless job 60 hours a week and I am making absolutely no head way in severing ties that might restrain me from my one true happiness.

Half of my worldly belongings are in his home. Being drenched in his company. I can just imagine it: My shirts by now smell like him, my lotions and soaps are annoying him when he is in the shower, and my books are a daunting reminder that he is preparing to tie his life to an unforgivable nerd. And here I am. Stuck in this horrible pergatory of missing him and not finding the courage to handle my life here. Not having the elan to possible bid adieu to all I know and take up my life with him. As his.

But I have nothing to fear. I have nothing to be wary of, for as i have said in my prayers, all of this is in God's hands.

Yes, Lord. I will be strong.

"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:6-9


Yes, Lord. I will honor him.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:22-24

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Beautiful scenery, wonderful company, and complete privacy make this one of my number one picks for state park excursions...


www.dcnr.state.pa.us/stateparks/parks/yellowcreek

I have been wronged.
Deluded.
Lied to.
Decieved.

I have been doing some random blog readings this morning (something I never do because, as I have just discovered, I am too self-absorbed) and I just figured out that I am not the only worthwhile blog writer in the world. My blog is barely passable when taking in all the other intelligent life forms of blog that there really are.

I had thought I was special. I had thougth that I brought something fresh and new to the scene. A nuveax-blogger classic, if you will. I am sadly mistaken.

I am one of those twelve year old girls who knows bigger words than her friends so her friends automatically tell her sh's a good writer. OR WORSE, I am one of those tweleve year old girls whose friends are sick of hearing her talk so they encourage her to write down her thougths and feelings!!

QUEL DOMAGE!!

What is there to be done?

I got to thinking about the reality of everything again the other day. Instead of being scared out of my mind or overcome with a sense of panic, i actually had a very centered feeling come over me. A calm that washed over me and kissed my brow. A few days ago, he called me just to say that he loves me. While that is nice to hear, it doesn't usually tranquilize my overcative and sometimes fretful mind. Maybe it was his additional statement. His calm and quiet inquiry. His strong voice cent slightly. He cleared his throat and took a preemptory calming breath into his lungs. I could almost see his chest move with the anticipation. He steadied himself. 'super footwear girl, i love you so much...' i replied and waited for him to share what was weighing on his mind. 'i love you and i'm not sure how this works but i have such a desire to love you as christ loves you...' and i am undone...