okay so Mr.Hampster's-sister's-fiance-wait he needs a name...Mr.inamorato... no I'm not in love with him... Mr.Paramour. (We're understanding that he is not my paramour, but Mr.Hampster's siters paramour, i.e. one who assumes the right of a husband or an ellicit lover...Now that the english lesson is over...)

So Mr.Paramour keeps calling me. And calling me... AND CALLING ME. Not that i mind it, in fact i really like talking to him. He's a good listener and a good talker. He's very sensitive and in tune with his feelings and he's very honest and open with me. BUT- in the goodness and flow of pure conversation lies the biggest problem of all: I know that Mr. Hampster's sister would KIL me DEAD if she knew we were talking. CORRECTION (She knows we talk) But if she knew how much and what we talked about. I can tell he and I are treading on thin ice. He's told me so much- about not wanting to marry her, about he desire to go in the service, his future dreams, and just stupid stuff like what makes women hot and how stupid Mr. Hampster is. (Who I have not carried on a conversation with in over 2 weeks- I haven't even thought of him, I'm so proud...)

At any rate, I don't know what to do. I like talking to him. He's like... well, he's like my friend. But I can't help hating her and telling him so and thats not right I know. And she hates me and tells him so and that can't be good.

I JUST DON'T KNOW!!! AHHHHH!

eh...

He came home, but now he's avoiding me.

HOW MUCH FRIGGIN FUN IS THAT?

Yea, I think it's safe to say that I dug my own grave with this one...

He comes home in two days...
He comes home in two days...
He comes home in two days...

I just keep telling myself that to get through the hell of the "real world." Man I hate working. Not so much working, just working 4 hour shifts EVERY FRIGGIN DAY OF THE WEEK. IN RETAIL NO LESS. Oh and tell me if anyone would be so kind, what is the joy of shopping while intoxicated? STOP DRINKING MARGARITAS AND THEN TRYING TO BUY SHOES!! WAIT UNTIL YOU SLEEP IT OFF. I promise the shoe store will be there when you're done with the fire water...

CRAZY PEOPLE...

Yea so we hate Mr.Hampster's sister for a million and one crazy reasons. Everytime we get together with Mr. Hampsters family, we get stuck tallking to HER fiance. Nicest guy in the world. So me and Mr. Slighty-stupid-for-liking-crazy-girl get to talking and decide that we can talk outside of "family" outings. So he calls me last night PISS-ASS DRUNK. YEAH. I think he's trying to give HER a reason to kill me...

OH WELL...

ok so Mr. Future- Millionaire says, in the middle of a truth-or-dare game in which I had to remove his pants (thankfully I got to use my hands-rather than my teeth...)"my true feelings for Louise are that she is a VERY good friend of mine who I still have feelings for..." wow. when I was Truthed "what are your feelings for Alex, I said, "I absoulutely LOVE him" (he didn't hear, but oh well.) and then my mom tells me "why didn't you want to go to the ocean with the boys? (the boys being Mr.Future-millionaire and his 7 friends) I would let you go with Mr.Future-millionaire if you want..." AHHH! so now I can't stop thinking about him and going to ocean city with him. Thats dangerous.

IN OTHER NEWS...
Mr.Hampster screamed at me and called me a ho in front of EVERYONE at graduation rehersal... Yea thats done...

Well I'm having fun so far. My mom says my life is like a soap opera, but I think it's more like a matchbox20 song.It won’t be the first - heart that you break It won’t be the last - beautiful girl The one that you wrecked - won’t take you back If you were the last beautiful girl in the world. Maybe he will take me back. Slow dancing on the boulevard
"In the quiet moments while the city’s still dark
Sleepwalking through the summer rain and the tired spaces
You could hear her name when she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothing but her love and affection
She was crazy for you"

I can't believe it's over.

Here it is, wednesday. Humpday. I worked for four hours this morning. Came home and did nothing. Cause I have no school.And never will again. It's not spring break, it's not winter holiday, it's not even summer break. It's just plain over. Nothing to look forward to. No one to bring presents home for from Hawaii and make jealous. No one to impress with my tan or new haircut. Just a big lot of nothing. I'm lousy with nothing.

I never thought doing nothing could be so... I don't know, something...