Sorry I haven't written in a while. Jobs take more time than I thought.


Today was the first Sunday of advent and by the time special music was sung I was drippy. The song was moving, but suprisingly little to release from me such a wellspring of tears. It was just something about the song that made me think about everything thats happened this past year. I really have come full circle.

Last year this time, I was with Mr. Hampster and, at that point, thought myself the happiest I'd ever be. I had just started going to New Day about two weeks before advent. I remeber thanksgiving was the first time I met Hampster's family-- the whole family-- cousins and all. I nearly fainted with firght, I was so nervous. It seemed like a hour later, it was Christmas and Hampster and I were kissing on my front porch. Our first kiss. In front of my decked out house. He still kissed me even after he saw the house decorated. Even after his skin was nearly sunburnt and his eyes nearly blinded by the lights, and he still kissed me...and then we broke up. And I thought I would die. I thought if I ever saw him again HE would die.

And here we are. I've accepted Jesus and this is my first Christmas as a Christian. I can see. I can see more than egg nog and christmas lights and presents and parties and more christmas lights and snow and caroling and EVEN MORE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.... I see Christ. I see the birth of a new life that changed the world. I see Mr. Hampster and I don't hate him. I see him and I see my brother. I see someone who has put up with everything from me. I look at him and I SEE CHRIST.

Now all I have left is to look in the mirror and see Christ.

My life is not my own...
And I'm glad.