Horrible hair, extreme Tardiness, a blown tire, two spilled cups of coffee, two uncontrollable store alarms and one life altering argument later...
All of which add up to one brilliantly horrible day in the life of Super footwear girl.
I want to write about everything that has happened and every feeling I have had since Mr. Future millionaire told me that I am not the one, but for once I think I'd rather not ponder, discuss, thinkl about or reiterate it. It happened, it is, and I am the only one having a hard time dealing with it.
yup... ain't life grand?
Monday, June 27, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Fine. Take it. You want it so badly it's yours, topped off with a silk ribbon.
QUICK! Call Scotland Yard, Alert the Navy, call Maury Povich, send up the Bat signal! I have been hijacked of my life by a blonde lifeguard and I don't know what to do!
Ok, so as usual it's not as bad as all that. But I do feel miserable. I do think Miss. Woo Woo is content with the fact that she has stolen my crown and demoted me to scullery maid in my own home...
You know whith friends that are willing to rip out from beneath you your one love, your friends and your hang out scene, who needs a wicked step-mother?
Screw it. If I am to live I must first find, divide and conquer some sweet REM cycles...
QUICK! Call Scotland Yard, Alert the Navy, call Maury Povich, send up the Bat signal! I have been hijacked of my life by a blonde lifeguard and I don't know what to do!
Ok, so as usual it's not as bad as all that. But I do feel miserable. I do think Miss. Woo Woo is content with the fact that she has stolen my crown and demoted me to scullery maid in my own home...
You know whith friends that are willing to rip out from beneath you your one love, your friends and your hang out scene, who needs a wicked step-mother?
Screw it. If I am to live I must first find, divide and conquer some sweet REM cycles...
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Deliberate. Yak. Gammer. Discuss. Conversate. Linguistate.
Ok so theat last one might not be a real word, but we all know the focus of todays SPEECH; The uses and abuses of the human tongue.
Use: Liking a lollipop
Abuse: Getting it stuck to a frozen light post (your tongue, not the lollipop)
Use: French Kissing
Abuse: Kissing the french prime minister on television on a double dare.
Use: Telling someone you love them
Abuse: Telling someone you love their best friend
OR
Telling someone they've "gotten worse."
OR
Yelling obscenities at your boyfriend in a crowdedtheatre when everyone is preparing to watch the best theatrical display EVER, Batman Begins.
A recap of this weeks "girl meets worls (and doesn't like it)"
Best friend A tells Best friend B that he's in love with Best friend C even though he's supposed to marry Best friend B. B cries a river runnin' while C says "it's a pity this has to happen know, you're so much crazier than you were 4 years ago..." Best friend B is preparing to be written out of the soap opera...
And scene....
Ok so theat last one might not be a real word, but we all know the focus of todays SPEECH; The uses and abuses of the human tongue.
Use: Liking a lollipop
Abuse: Getting it stuck to a frozen light post (your tongue, not the lollipop)
Use: French Kissing
Abuse: Kissing the french prime minister on television on a double dare.
Use: Telling someone you love them
Abuse: Telling someone you love their best friend
OR
Telling someone they've "gotten worse."
OR
Yelling obscenities at your boyfriend in a crowdedtheatre when everyone is preparing to watch the best theatrical display EVER, Batman Begins.
A recap of this weeks "girl meets worls (and doesn't like it)"
Best friend A tells Best friend B that he's in love with Best friend C even though he's supposed to marry Best friend B. B cries a river runnin' while C says "it's a pity this has to happen know, you're so much crazier than you were 4 years ago..." Best friend B is preparing to be written out of the soap opera...
And scene....
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I've listened to Matchbox20's You won't be mine 875 times. I have cried 96 tears and thought of 300 other torturous scenarios I would prefer to the present predicament i find myself in, including, but no limited to being stuck in a telephone booth for all eternity with my mother and when I finally clear my eyes and open my mind it is all still too true.
Mr. Future millionaire still want her more than me. My heart is still cut into seven peices and scattered around the Famous Footwear nation. I would still rather run away to Asia Minor than reconcile with my two closest friends.
They still think I am just "overreacting." They're impatient for me to "grow up" and "move on." By not throwing every shoe I own at them and screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" I am being as mat ure as I can fine the strength to be. By not digging a tunnel to Turkey, I am trying to move on. By not giving him the ultimatum of loving only me or forgetting i ever existed, I am being as rational as I can be expected to be FOR A WOMAN WHO JUST LOST EVRYTHING SHE EVER THOUGHT WAS REAL TO HER BEST FRIEND.
Even my mother isn't appalled by my behavior.
Being DEVESTAED is understandable. GRIEVING OVER THE LOSS OF MY 2 (only) FRIENDS IS OK.
I can't help but be in love with him.
He can't help liking her more.
She can't help being unaffected and callous.
What is the weather like in east germany this time of year?
Mr. Future millionaire still want her more than me. My heart is still cut into seven peices and scattered around the Famous Footwear nation. I would still rather run away to Asia Minor than reconcile with my two closest friends.
They still think I am just "overreacting." They're impatient for me to "grow up" and "move on." By not throwing every shoe I own at them and screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" I am being as mat ure as I can fine the strength to be. By not digging a tunnel to Turkey, I am trying to move on. By not giving him the ultimatum of loving only me or forgetting i ever existed, I am being as rational as I can be expected to be FOR A WOMAN WHO JUST LOST EVRYTHING SHE EVER THOUGHT WAS REAL TO HER BEST FRIEND.
Even my mother isn't appalled by my behavior.
Being DEVESTAED is understandable. GRIEVING OVER THE LOSS OF MY 2 (only) FRIENDS IS OK.
I can't help but be in love with him.
He can't help liking her more.
She can't help being unaffected and callous.
What is the weather like in east germany this time of year?
Monday, June 20, 2005
True. Life doesn't get much more fun. UNTIL THAT IS YOU GET A WRITTEN CITATION FROM A STATE TROOPER FOR DRIVING 22 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT.
What is to be done with me?
Someone wake me when the world isn't upside down and mars isn't in retrograde...
MORE TRUTH TIME with Little old me...
I am not really a superhero but Batman is.
Not that batman really has anything to do with the rest of this post, but I just saw Batman Begins with (SIGH) Christian Bale and Batman is my favorite superhero, so he was bound to be eluded to eventually...
I gave Mr.Future Millionaire and Ultimatum: Tell Miss.Woowoo or I will. (Dramatic aside to the audience; I had already told her not 2 minutes from the end of the phone call from mr.Future Millionaire...) He, against his own better judgments and will, told her. Then they both procceeded to chastise ME. ME! THE VICTIM... If there even is a victim when someone has feelings for another person...
He said it was between him and I, and that i shouldn't have dragged Miss. Woowoo into it.
She sid that no matter how DISTRAUGHT, DEVESTASTED, DESTITUTE, and DESPERATE I was that i should not have betrayed his confidence.
And I calmly and respectfully reapeated:
THE MAN I LOVE AND WANT TO MARRY HAS FEELING FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.
NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!!
As far as I am concerned I am the 3rd party. I shouldn';t have been dragged into this. I shouldn't have been the sole barrer of this life-ruining, soul-crushing, hope-twarting secret.
I also think that this backstabbiong, out-of-proportion, saddistic, "et tu brute" CRAP shoiuld have been locked up nice and tight and burried within the confines of HIGH SCHOOL.
Another aside to the audience: I just talked to Miss.Woowoo and she posed the question:
"Do you feel at all uncomfortable hanging out with all of us?"
My best response, "I am heartbrokena nd that is going to take sometime to get over..."
(My INWARD RESPONSE "YOU F&^%ING IDIOT? WHAT THE F*&^ IS YOUR PROBLEM? OF COURSE I AM NOT OKAY, YOU LIFE STEALING SORRY WHENCH")
Her next Connie Chung moment: "What about seperately... 2 and 2?"
My best response, "You two can hang out I just don't want to hear about it."
My inward response was much more colorful and full of tears... so we'll save that for later..
A part of my wants to forget all about it and move on with my friends at my side.
The other half of my wants to run away to mexico and never look back. Still another part has a urge to go the way of my hopes on I-97...
What is to be done with me?
Someone wake me when the world isn't upside down and mars isn't in retrograde...
MORE TRUTH TIME with Little old me...
I am not really a superhero but Batman is.
Not that batman really has anything to do with the rest of this post, but I just saw Batman Begins with (SIGH) Christian Bale and Batman is my favorite superhero, so he was bound to be eluded to eventually...
I gave Mr.Future Millionaire and Ultimatum: Tell Miss.Woowoo or I will. (Dramatic aside to the audience; I had already told her not 2 minutes from the end of the phone call from mr.Future Millionaire...) He, against his own better judgments and will, told her. Then they both procceeded to chastise ME. ME! THE VICTIM... If there even is a victim when someone has feelings for another person...
He said it was between him and I, and that i shouldn't have dragged Miss. Woowoo into it.
She sid that no matter how DISTRAUGHT, DEVESTASTED, DESTITUTE, and DESPERATE I was that i should not have betrayed his confidence.
And I calmly and respectfully reapeated:
THE MAN I LOVE AND WANT TO MARRY HAS FEELING FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.
NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!!
As far as I am concerned I am the 3rd party. I shouldn';t have been dragged into this. I shouldn't have been the sole barrer of this life-ruining, soul-crushing, hope-twarting secret.
I also think that this backstabbiong, out-of-proportion, saddistic, "et tu brute" CRAP shoiuld have been locked up nice and tight and burried within the confines of HIGH SCHOOL.
Another aside to the audience: I just talked to Miss.Woowoo and she posed the question:
"Do you feel at all uncomfortable hanging out with all of us?"
My best response, "I am heartbrokena nd that is going to take sometime to get over..."
(My INWARD RESPONSE "YOU F&^%ING IDIOT? WHAT THE F*&^ IS YOUR PROBLEM? OF COURSE I AM NOT OKAY, YOU LIFE STEALING SORRY WHENCH")
Her next Connie Chung moment: "What about seperately... 2 and 2?"
My best response, "You two can hang out I just don't want to hear about it."
My inward response was much more colorful and full of tears... so we'll save that for later..
A part of my wants to forget all about it and move on with my friends at my side.
The other half of my wants to run away to mexico and never look back. Still another part has a urge to go the way of my hopes on I-97...
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Arrogance took human form this week in a one Mr.Fleck. (This is his real name so don't go calling every Fleck you know and asking them if they're jerks... on second thought...)
I was formally dis-invited to Mr. Flecks party Friday night because I "am in love with him and there were a great number of girls there in love with him as well and I might be want to start something..." (his words VERBATIM)
Allow me to fill you in, Mr. Fleck. You may be cute, but this bisch ain't fightin no girl for some stupid, arrogant SPECK that I just met and (hopefully) will never see again. .. Super Footwear girl has more important main plotline drama to worry about POUR EXAMPLE...
Tell me why I have a broken heart AGAIN? I swear if feelings could be insured, any collector would be proud of the tidy sum my life would grant him. Wanna know what happened this week? Well you can't you'll just have to buy the book...
Ok fine I'll tell you, but only because I have no one else to talk to. First some backstory for those of you who can't keep up.
Mr.Future millionaire is my latest Mr. Bunny, and things have been going pretty well. We've been friends for about 5 years now, since the moment we met, and we've been in and out of Love and War ever since. Just when I thought things were coming to a comfortable resting place for our back and forth, I get a phone call...
Him:"Hey whats up... small talk small talk small talk... "
Me:"Hey everything Yakka Yakka Yakka... You're not talking so I am going to let you get some sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Well i have something to tell you but I don't want to start anything and I know you'll run your mouth..."
"Ok well, I won't tell anyone but it sounds like you're not ready to talk about it anyways and it's your business anyhow, so call me when you are ready and I'll be ready to listen..."
"But you're going to bug me about wanting to know and you'll be upset when I tell you but I have no one else to tell and WHINE WHINE WHINE I know you'll start something"
(To My self) "Start what? (DON'T BE GAY DON'T BE GAY DEAR GOD DON'T BE GAY)"
(To Him) "Well it's your business and thats coole, but if you need to talk I'm happy to listen-"
"I shouldn't have said anything because now you're going to drive me insane about not knowing and you're going to make me tell you.."
"... no I'm not-"
"FINE I'll tell you already. There I told you-"
"OH DEAR JESUS YOUR GAY!"
"No...I'm not..."
"Phew okay seriously then what is it?"
"I think I have feelings for Miss. Woowoo..."
Nothing prepared me for that. there it went. My sould climbed out of my ear, my heart dropped out of my butt and every hope I ever had was lying spread eagle on interstate 97. My response?
"I think this is a conversation for you and Miss. Woowoo. This is not my business. Please leave me alone in a padded room for all eternity and take the key and my bleeding, bruised, broken heart along with you...."
Well, ok, just the first two lines made it out.
Super Footwear girl has a special power aside from her mad footwear skills. That power is the power of intuition. It is the power of knowing who her very best friend in all the world has feelings for.
In short, I have no right to be surprised. I knew about it. I knew about his feeling and his secret smile for her and his hearts direction. It still broke my heart. I spent so much time knowing and trying to figure out false reasons that it couldn't be true, but i knew.
Now I am presented witha dilemma far beyond crying myself to sleep everynight. I am sworn to secrecy by Mr.Future Millionaire to keep this ridiculous news a secret. THE MAN I LOVE AND WANT TO MARRY TOLD ME HE HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND I CAN'T BE ANGRY AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ALL BY MYSELF.
Life doesn't get much more fun than that.
I was formally dis-invited to Mr. Flecks party Friday night because I "am in love with him and there were a great number of girls there in love with him as well and I might be want to start something..." (his words VERBATIM)
Allow me to fill you in, Mr. Fleck. You may be cute, but this bisch ain't fightin no girl for some stupid, arrogant SPECK that I just met and (hopefully) will never see again. .. Super Footwear girl has more important main plotline drama to worry about POUR EXAMPLE...
Tell me why I have a broken heart AGAIN? I swear if feelings could be insured, any collector would be proud of the tidy sum my life would grant him. Wanna know what happened this week? Well you can't you'll just have to buy the book...
Ok fine I'll tell you, but only because I have no one else to talk to. First some backstory for those of you who can't keep up.
Mr.Future millionaire is my latest Mr. Bunny, and things have been going pretty well. We've been friends for about 5 years now, since the moment we met, and we've been in and out of Love and War ever since. Just when I thought things were coming to a comfortable resting place for our back and forth, I get a phone call...
Him:"Hey whats up... small talk small talk small talk... "
Me:"Hey everything Yakka Yakka Yakka... You're not talking so I am going to let you get some sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Well i have something to tell you but I don't want to start anything and I know you'll run your mouth..."
"Ok well, I won't tell anyone but it sounds like you're not ready to talk about it anyways and it's your business anyhow, so call me when you are ready and I'll be ready to listen..."
"But you're going to bug me about wanting to know and you'll be upset when I tell you but I have no one else to tell and WHINE WHINE WHINE I know you'll start something"
(To My self) "Start what? (DON'T BE GAY DON'T BE GAY DEAR GOD DON'T BE GAY)"
(To Him) "Well it's your business and thats coole, but if you need to talk I'm happy to listen-"
"I shouldn't have said anything because now you're going to drive me insane about not knowing and you're going to make me tell you.."
"... no I'm not-"
"FINE I'll tell you already.
"OH DEAR JESUS YOUR GAY!"
"No...I'm not..."
"Phew okay seriously then what is it?"
"I think I have feelings for Miss. Woowoo..."
Nothing prepared me for that. there it went. My sould climbed out of my ear, my heart dropped out of my butt and every hope I ever had was lying spread eagle on interstate 97. My response?
"I think this is a conversation for you and Miss. Woowoo. This is not my business. Please leave me alone in a padded room for all eternity and take the key and my bleeding, bruised, broken heart along with you...."
Well, ok, just the first two lines made it out.
Super Footwear girl has a special power aside from her mad footwear skills. That power is the power of intuition. It is the power of knowing who her very best friend in all the world has feelings for.
In short, I have no right to be surprised. I knew about it. I knew about his feeling and his secret smile for her and his hearts direction. It still broke my heart. I spent so much time knowing and trying to figure out false reasons that it couldn't be true, but i knew.
Now I am presented witha dilemma far beyond crying myself to sleep everynight. I am sworn to secrecy by Mr.Future Millionaire to keep this ridiculous news a secret. THE MAN I LOVE AND WANT TO MARRY TOLD ME HE HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND I CAN'T BE ANGRY AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ALL BY MYSELF.
Life doesn't get much more fun than that.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along
Let's move it along
I am moving out of "the House." For those of you who know, smile and nod, for those of you in the dark, sorry about your luck.
Aside from the stress of yet again packing up all of my wordly possessions to move out of somewhere I never thought i would be into another house that represents not one of my dreams, I don't quite remember sleeping this week. I just keep going and doing and and being and I am exhausted. I just want one sweet dreamless night of sleep where I can drink up all the nothingness and be completely aloine and unstimulated in my own little world. But like the great and powerful traceria once said, "You mgiht as well deal with it, because it only just gets worse."
So much for that power nap, I'm off to do more packing and conoodling with Mr.Future Millionaire...
Hey! Stop that! I don't even have time to THINK about that let alone DO it...
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along
Let's move it along
I am moving out of "the House." For those of you who know, smile and nod, for those of you in the dark, sorry about your luck.
Aside from the stress of yet again packing up all of my wordly possessions to move out of somewhere I never thought i would be into another house that represents not one of my dreams, I don't quite remember sleeping this week. I just keep going and doing and and being and I am exhausted. I just want one sweet dreamless night of sleep where I can drink up all the nothingness and be completely aloine and unstimulated in my own little world. But like the great and powerful traceria once said, "You mgiht as well deal with it, because it only just gets worse."
So much for that power nap, I'm off to do more packing and conoodling with Mr.Future Millionaire...
Hey! Stop that! I don't even have time to THINK about that let alone DO it...
Saturday, June 11, 2005
I would like to provide you with an extended version of the past few days, provided I can remember everything accurately.
Thursday night was (thankfully) quite uneventful as far as the life and times of Super Footwear Girl. Aside from driving home in front of a tractor trailer that refused to turn on his headlights, all was well.
Friday is where the story lies. Friday was Mr. Future Millionaires surprise party, hosted by moi, of course. I got him the cutest cake and invited a whole slew of poeple that I was sure he hadn't seen in a while. We took sickeningly cute pictures and played uno and trivial pursuit and, much to everyones delight and my perplexion, Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. I did not however follow through on my promise to Hott Stuff of a Pinata, and everyone was kind of bummed about that (in case you were wondering, he was turning nineteen... hence my quizical state...)
All in all, I'm pretty proud of myself. I think this will have been a memorable moment for all involved.
Here's to another year....
Thursday night was (thankfully) quite uneventful as far as the life and times of Super Footwear Girl. Aside from driving home in front of a tractor trailer that refused to turn on his headlights, all was well.
Friday is where the story lies. Friday was Mr. Future Millionaires surprise party, hosted by moi, of course. I got him the cutest cake and invited a whole slew of poeple that I was sure he hadn't seen in a while. We took sickeningly cute pictures and played uno and trivial pursuit and, much to everyones delight and my perplexion, Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. I did not however follow through on my promise to Hott Stuff of a Pinata, and everyone was kind of bummed about that (in case you were wondering, he was turning nineteen... hence my quizical state...)
All in all, I'm pretty proud of myself. I think this will have been a memorable moment for all involved.
Here's to another year....
As usual I wrote a really great post which I cannot remember last night about Mr. Future Millionaire and something else but I erased to with the swift click of my fingers. Honestly I think I aught to switch to a typewriter...
I am pooped right now and that is about as intellectually stimulating as I can be. I have stayed up WAY past my bed time every night this week and I am POOPED. Tonight was Mr. Future Millionaires surprise party. AS USUAL, things did not go as planned, but I think he was thouroughly surprised and excited. I nearly melted the cake (well, not nearly... a second longer and it would have been too far gone even to make smores.. and yeah, I said MELTED and I meant it...) The honoree was an hour later than expected and half the guest list disapeared out of our time space continum, but I think all in all everything was fun for all.
Thats all I have for you tonight/ this morning. Like I said... WAY PAST MY BED TIME.
I am pooped right now and that is about as intellectually stimulating as I can be. I have stayed up WAY past my bed time every night this week and I am POOPED. Tonight was Mr. Future Millionaires surprise party. AS USUAL, things did not go as planned, but I think he was thouroughly surprised and excited. I nearly melted the cake (well, not nearly... a second longer and it would have been too far gone even to make smores.. and yeah, I said MELTED and I meant it...) The honoree was an hour later than expected and half the guest list disapeared out of our time space continum, but I think all in all everything was fun for all.
Thats all I have for you tonight/ this morning. Like I said... WAY PAST MY BED TIME.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
i was going to come home as quickly as I could and then collapse on my unmade bed and sleep until the cows come home after the last two days have been the worst thing EVER. Then I decided to take 695 home instead of 895 because I am the BIGGEST IDIOT IN THE WORLD.
I thought, "Hey, it's late, the only people taking 695 at this hour are truckers, and they know how to drive so i can hide from the cops, floor it, and make it home in time for a camomile tea and some PJs before I hit the bed, sleepy face first..."
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. SO WRONG. WRONGER THAN WOOL COATS AROUNG LAMBCHOP. WRONGER THAN "NEWLYWEDS: THE LIFE AND TIME OF JESSICA AND NICK." WRONGER THAN HIGH HEELS ON THE BEACH.
2 and a half hours later, I walked in, well deserved slurpee in hand and I sat down to blog.
Well, not really. i sat down and instinctually checked my computer for any messages or new goings-ons, and found this message waiting from Miss.Loquacious:
you should write a book and try to get it published. and i am so serious about that. your blog cracks me up while wondering the whole time what is gonna happen next, lol, even though it is your real life. you would be a millionaire. lol, and if not, at least i would buy a copy
A big thank you to all my fans, but I have to say, I don't think I could write a book. I'm not capable of making this stuff up. FOR INSTANCE...
TODAYS ADVENTURE OF "SUPER FOOTWEAR GIRL"
"See you later, super footwear girl, I'm heading out"
"Bye district manager guy who tries to ruin my life every chance he gets. It was nice to see you as always..." (BIG FAKE SMILE ON MY FACE WITH A BLINKING SIGN OVER MY HEAD READING "LIAR")
Suddenly, Super footwear girl feels a tickle in her throat! How will she remedy her latest ailment? A Drink, she thinks, a drink will do just fine. And she has one, in the back office... So, super footwear girl traverses the long and arduous journey all the way to the back of the store, careful to not exhaust herself in the process. She reaches the back door, walks through the porthole, attempts to walk inot the office and SMACK! CRASH! SHE HITS HER NOSE ON THE COLD, FLAT, CLOSED OFFICE DOOR. Silly district manager man, he shut the office. No problem, I'll just turn the handle and---AHHHH! OH NO!! THE DOOR IS HOPELESSLY LOCKED!! AND YOU'RE UTILITY BELT (purse with the keys to the store) IS IN THERE! A key in the safe... There must be a key in the safe... BUT NO, THWARTED AGAIN BY FATE, SUPER FOOTWEAR GIRL. HOW WILL YOU SAFE YOURSELF NOW?
I ended up spending an hour dragging a ladder bigger than my house out of the stock room, popping out and breaking 3 ceiling tiles, and using the autopole adjuster to James Bond my way into the back office. Needless to say, the last two days have afforded super footwear girl more trouble than an entire season's worth of kiddie super hero shows. And on top of it all, the drive home are just the icing on a tradgically horrible cake o'life right now.
But Mr. Future Millionaire makes it all ok with the little things sometimes. He told me last night to call him today and I didn't get to before he could reach me. 2:300 and 3 o'clock saw him calling and the 4 o'clock hour was strictly phone tag. Finally, he leaves a message that sounds a little like this:
"Hey, I think you got kidnapped... Cause the last number was not the work number I know and I keep trying to call you and you keep not answering. If you have been kidnapped, don't worry... it's ok. Just call me back and hang up when you get a chance and I'll get someone on that... I mean, I'm probably not going to go to it right away, I'll probably be to busy for the next like two days... But I will send someone to find you, I promise. So just call back and hang up... yeah..."
Gold. Memoirs Gold right there people...
Thats why he's going to be a millionaire...
I thought, "Hey, it's late, the only people taking 695 at this hour are truckers, and they know how to drive so i can hide from the cops, floor it, and make it home in time for a camomile tea and some PJs before I hit the bed, sleepy face first..."
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. SO WRONG. WRONGER THAN WOOL COATS AROUNG LAMBCHOP. WRONGER THAN "NEWLYWEDS: THE LIFE AND TIME OF JESSICA AND NICK." WRONGER THAN HIGH HEELS ON THE BEACH.
2 and a half hours later, I walked in, well deserved slurpee in hand and I sat down to blog.
Well, not really. i sat down and instinctually checked my computer for any messages or new goings-ons, and found this message waiting from Miss.Loquacious:
you should write a book and try to get it published. and i am so serious about that. your blog cracks me up while wondering the whole time what is gonna happen next, lol, even though it is your real life. you would be a millionaire. lol, and if not, at least i would buy a copy
A big thank you to all my fans, but I have to say, I don't think I could write a book. I'm not capable of making this stuff up. FOR INSTANCE...
TODAYS ADVENTURE OF "SUPER FOOTWEAR GIRL"
"See you later, super footwear girl, I'm heading out"
"Bye district manager guy who tries to ruin my life every chance he gets. It was nice to see you as always..." (BIG FAKE SMILE ON MY FACE WITH A BLINKING SIGN OVER MY HEAD READING "LIAR")
Suddenly, Super footwear girl feels a tickle in her throat! How will she remedy her latest ailment? A Drink, she thinks, a drink will do just fine. And she has one, in the back office... So, super footwear girl traverses the long and arduous journey all the way to the back of the store, careful to not exhaust herself in the process. She reaches the back door, walks through the porthole, attempts to walk inot the office and SMACK! CRASH! SHE HITS HER NOSE ON THE COLD, FLAT, CLOSED OFFICE DOOR. Silly district manager man, he shut the office. No problem, I'll just turn the handle and---AHHHH! OH NO!! THE DOOR IS HOPELESSLY LOCKED!! AND YOU'RE UTILITY BELT (purse with the keys to the store) IS IN THERE! A key in the safe... There must be a key in the safe... BUT NO, THWARTED AGAIN BY FATE, SUPER FOOTWEAR GIRL. HOW WILL YOU SAFE YOURSELF NOW?
I ended up spending an hour dragging a ladder bigger than my house out of the stock room, popping out and breaking 3 ceiling tiles, and using the autopole adjuster to James Bond my way into the back office. Needless to say, the last two days have afforded super footwear girl more trouble than an entire season's worth of kiddie super hero shows. And on top of it all, the drive home are just the icing on a tradgically horrible cake o'life right now.
But Mr. Future Millionaire makes it all ok with the little things sometimes. He told me last night to call him today and I didn't get to before he could reach me. 2:300 and 3 o'clock saw him calling and the 4 o'clock hour was strictly phone tag. Finally, he leaves a message that sounds a little like this:
"Hey, I think you got kidnapped... Cause the last number was not the work number I know and I keep trying to call you and you keep not answering. If you have been kidnapped, don't worry... it's ok. Just call me back and hang up when you get a chance and I'll get someone on that... I mean, I'm probably not going to go to it right away, I'll probably be to busy for the next like two days... But I will send someone to find you, I promise. So just call back and hang up... yeah..."
Gold. Memoirs Gold right there people...
Thats why he's going to be a millionaire...
Monday, June 06, 2005
I started working at a new store today and I am officially a "commuter," which, lemme tell you, sucks. It sucks even more when there is a ridiculous lightening/thunder/rain storm that rumbles up out of nowhere and pounds every inch of road way from her to egypt.
When my mall started having black outs and my windows were shaking with thunderclaps, I started theorizing the buiilding of an arc out of cardboard shoe boxes and Famous Footwear tape. Then I realized that Noah started building a lifetime before the rains actually hit and I would have no chance in a blue hell to make it out alive... At that point, I climbed into my car/river named (insert one of my cars many names here) and hydroplaned my way out of Bowie and Northward... oh yes, INTO the storm...
A funnier weather occurance though I think was the emmsene amount of fog that blanketed the land this morning at 7:30. I set my alarm early, thinking I could have time to prepare You-Know-what for You-Know-Who (laughable, I know, seeing as I stayed up until 12 last night with You-Know-Who, not preparing You-Know-What and loving every minute...) I left Mr. Future Millionaire a text message this morning telling him to be careful and good luck on his new promotion :) :) :) Then I called him tonight to see how it went but or conversation went something like this:
INTENSE POUNDING RAIN IN THE BACKGROUND
"HEY, HOW WAS YOU'RE DAY?"
"Fine yours?"
"FINE... I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT YOUR NEW JOB WAS LIKE"
" I can't talk about it, but it was fine"
(can't talk about it because he's going to be a millionaire and he's in millionaire training...)
"Well, ok I was just calling to say hi I guess"
"Ok, well call me tomorrow and maybe I can tell you more... be careful coming home..."
"I will"
Nothing big. But nothing little either.
I just like recording everything. It'll be great for our kids to read :)
When my mall started having black outs and my windows were shaking with thunderclaps, I started theorizing the buiilding of an arc out of cardboard shoe boxes and Famous Footwear tape. Then I realized that Noah started building a lifetime before the rains actually hit and I would have no chance in a blue hell to make it out alive... At that point, I climbed into my car/river named (insert one of my cars many names here) and hydroplaned my way out of Bowie and Northward... oh yes, INTO the storm...
A funnier weather occurance though I think was the emmsene amount of fog that blanketed the land this morning at 7:30. I set my alarm early, thinking I could have time to prepare You-Know-what for You-Know-Who (laughable, I know, seeing as I stayed up until 12 last night with You-Know-Who, not preparing You-Know-What and loving every minute...) I left Mr. Future Millionaire a text message this morning telling him to be careful and good luck on his new promotion :) :) :) Then I called him tonight to see how it went but or conversation went something like this:
INTENSE POUNDING RAIN IN THE BACKGROUND
"HEY, HOW WAS YOU'RE DAY?"
"Fine yours?"
"FINE... I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT YOUR NEW JOB WAS LIKE"
" I can't talk about it, but it was fine"
(can't talk about it because he's going to be a millionaire and he's in millionaire training...)
"Well, ok I was just calling to say hi I guess"
"Ok, well call me tomorrow and maybe I can tell you more... be careful coming home..."
"I will"
Nothing big. But nothing little either.
I just like recording everything. It'll be great for our kids to read :)
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Wow.
I don't know how to describe what i am feeling. I am content and anxious all at the same time. I am free and chained to something/someone/some idea. I am unyeilding yet sofly giving in. I am a mass of enigmatic matter, raveled in and around myself.
I am in love.
Maybe not. But I surely wouldn't be surprised. No, I really don't know what this is. If it is love I can admit that I know nothing of love nor life and I must recant all that I stand for and humble myself to my barest resemblance.
It was Mr. Future Millionaire's birthday yesterday and we went to see and movie (we being him, myself and Miss.Woowoo) and then we went to a late night denny's hit up for a birthday sundae and a turkey sandwich. I gave him a funny card, we took cute photos together, the kind that only best friends take at one in the morning in the middle of their court when they can't think of anything better to do, and we had some moments in the car, just him and I. NO, not those kind of moments... just talking moments. Moments where we thought, in depth, about the fact that we have been friends for 5 years now. Moments of encouragement as friends where we all but said "I love you and I stand by any decision you should choose to make because I know you'll succeed"
Now I am having (twice as many) dreams about him. Dreams about him and I, married with twins that look just like him and a dog the looks like like his and a picket fence. But they're just dreams and that's ok... Or maybe it's the worst thing in the world because I have no idea what i am feeling. And I have no idea what to tell him. Is it ok for me to tell him I love him? Do I love him? Is it proper for me to tell him that I want to be with him even after all I have put him through?
Last night he called me princess. In a joking way ("What would you like to listen to on MY radio, PRINCESS?") But when i said, "I am so glad I am a princess..." He didn't object. And it wasn't mean or patronizing, it was nearly natural that he should call me princess and then do exactly what I ask... This is where I get so confused... because of the little things. The driving when I ask him to drive and just because I ask him to. The adjusting of the temperature because I'm cooler than I'd like to be. The flowers when he's mad at himself for making me slightly annoyed. The smile I get when I smile at him. The softness when I answer his phone calls. The candid conversations about life and money and future and love.
I guess I am resovled in thinking that he just wants a good friend... Someone to hang out with and talk to whenever.... That's natural, Right?
But it just feels so... so small, compared to what I see just beyond all this small talk and the casual outtings. The desire that I have to be with him is growing in the most unusual way. I want to see how he turns out in 20 years. I want to see what business he has, what his kids look like, what car he drives, what jeans he likes... I want to see the next 20 , 30, 70 years with him as my best friend. My date to every wedding, my partner in crime, my "I know everything about you" person, My other half while still being wholly me...
It feels like I have come home and like I am on the biggest adveture of my life all in one.
Wow.
I don't know how to describe what i am feeling. I am content and anxious all at the same time. I am free and chained to something/someone/some idea. I am unyeilding yet sofly giving in. I am a mass of enigmatic matter, raveled in and around myself.
I am in love.
Maybe not. But I surely wouldn't be surprised. No, I really don't know what this is. If it is love I can admit that I know nothing of love nor life and I must recant all that I stand for and humble myself to my barest resemblance.
It was Mr. Future Millionaire's birthday yesterday and we went to see and movie (we being him, myself and Miss.Woowoo) and then we went to a late night denny's hit up for a birthday sundae and a turkey sandwich. I gave him a funny card, we took cute photos together, the kind that only best friends take at one in the morning in the middle of their court when they can't think of anything better to do, and we had some moments in the car, just him and I. NO, not those kind of moments... just talking moments. Moments where we thought, in depth, about the fact that we have been friends for 5 years now. Moments of encouragement as friends where we all but said "I love you and I stand by any decision you should choose to make because I know you'll succeed"
Now I am having (twice as many) dreams about him. Dreams about him and I, married with twins that look just like him and a dog the looks like like his and a picket fence. But they're just dreams and that's ok... Or maybe it's the worst thing in the world because I have no idea what i am feeling. And I have no idea what to tell him. Is it ok for me to tell him I love him? Do I love him? Is it proper for me to tell him that I want to be with him even after all I have put him through?
Last night he called me princess. In a joking way ("What would you like to listen to on MY radio, PRINCESS?") But when i said, "I am so glad I am a princess..." He didn't object. And it wasn't mean or patronizing, it was nearly natural that he should call me princess and then do exactly what I ask... This is where I get so confused... because of the little things. The driving when I ask him to drive and just because I ask him to. The adjusting of the temperature because I'm cooler than I'd like to be. The flowers when he's mad at himself for making me slightly annoyed. The smile I get when I smile at him. The softness when I answer his phone calls. The candid conversations about life and money and future and love.
I guess I am resovled in thinking that he just wants a good friend... Someone to hang out with and talk to whenever.... That's natural, Right?
But it just feels so... so small, compared to what I see just beyond all this small talk and the casual outtings. The desire that I have to be with him is growing in the most unusual way. I want to see how he turns out in 20 years. I want to see what business he has, what his kids look like, what car he drives, what jeans he likes... I want to see the next 20 , 30, 70 years with him as my best friend. My date to every wedding, my partner in crime, my "I know everything about you" person, My other half while still being wholly me...
It feels like I have come home and like I am on the biggest adveture of my life all in one.
Wow.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Fathers be good to your daughters daughters will love like you do...
I was thinking today of changing my blogging format. You know, mixing it up a bit. I was going to have one of those "What I am listening to" tag lines and a blog that is filled with poigniant social commentary such as the importance of Pop 40 radio in north eastern America and the pop culture movement that is Lindsay Lohan. But then I re-thought. I think the world has enough useless people talking baout enough other useless people and I think it is safe for me to remain in my annonomity and free-thought filled, self centered blogging genre. Sorry if all that "what-ifing" was a tease for you few and faithful... Guess you'll have to give in and buy an US weekly.
i wonder sometimes if the peole who I write about A) KNow their names in this format and B) care. Mr. Hampster, do you hate the way I tell the world about your evil doings? Mr. Future Millionaire, do you not like me as much as I like you and do you hate me referring to you so frequently and with unwaivering devotion? Miss. Woowoo, do you hate that name? Well I know that last one's not true, because you made it up... But at any rate, the things I think about when I think about Blogging in general...
I was thinking today of changing my blogging format. You know, mixing it up a bit. I was going to have one of those "What I am listening to" tag lines and a blog that is filled with poigniant social commentary such as the importance of Pop 40 radio in north eastern America and the pop culture movement that is Lindsay Lohan. But then I re-thought. I think the world has enough useless people talking baout enough other useless people and I think it is safe for me to remain in my annonomity and free-thought filled, self centered blogging genre. Sorry if all that "what-ifing" was a tease for you few and faithful... Guess you'll have to give in and buy an US weekly.
i wonder sometimes if the peole who I write about A) KNow their names in this format and B) care. Mr. Hampster, do you hate the way I tell the world about your evil doings? Mr. Future Millionaire, do you not like me as much as I like you and do you hate me referring to you so frequently and with unwaivering devotion? Miss. Woowoo, do you hate that name? Well I know that last one's not true, because you made it up... But at any rate, the things I think about when I think about Blogging in general...
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