There are several reasons why i enjoy writing but I think one of the most prominent ones is the fact that i can say, do or think anything here in type and it never has to mean anything. I can type that i am a pregnant teen, divorced middle ager, midlife career woman or nothing at all and no one shoulde blame or judge me. I can type about my sincere love for Christ, my biggest heartbreak, or the delight in my simple joys and people can cry, laugh or mock me all they want without my knowing it or them offending me. This is my sanctuary. My way of living things I don't. My way of expressing things i do. My way of sharing my thoughts and feelings. I am always free to be completly honest, exxagerated, false or any combination there of and no one is the wiser.

At least i thought i was free.

I thought this would be my saving grace. For years I have kept a private journal, but that was more a record of personal events rather than an expression of my artistic and creative take on life. I love the freedom writing gave me in private, but i devour the attention and idea that my writing is loved, hated, laughed at or admired for good show here. I observe the rights of annonymity here because i respect peoples lives. AND because the characters here are not just the poeple in my life, they are charicatures. I have said it before, but I am happy to repeat that though these blog entries are based on real people and the stories are taken from real life, they are charicatures. If you recognize yourself in these charicatures, it is not to be blamed on the artist. I blow things out of proportion and expand where I want and condense where I need to represent a character that i have created, to show the life that i lead in an entertaining and exploitive way. I take the liberty to transform the real people i know and interact with to make them louder, bigger, more important, less essential, more dramatic, smaller, or more obnoxious than they really might appear in everyday association because that is my eapress right as an artist and a human being. I have the right to lie, tell the whole truth, or mix fancy and folly with fact and fiction to create and entertaining, envigorating or enraging piece of work in order to express my deep, over the top, or understated feelings.

When my heart gets broken I can't run to the person and say

"I've listened to Matchbox20's You won't be mine 875 times. I have cried 96 tears and thought of 300 other torturous scenarios I would prefer to the present predicament i find myself in, including, but no limited to being stuck in a telephone booth for all eternity with my mother and when I finally clear my eyes and open my mind it is all still too true.Mr. Future millionaire still want her more than me. My heart is still cut into seven peices and scattered around the Famous Footwear nation. I would still rather run away to Asia Minor than reconcile with my two closest friends."
I do not have the liberty to be completely honest with my feelings in person so i do it here. While I exxagerate people, places and things, the feelings i have are always true, whether they seem extreme or not. I am always true in represents my deepest, shallowest, upto the moment, or retrospective feelings because I have no choice. I feel them and they're real and I have to get them out somehow or I explode. Rather than die a messy and extremly painful death, I write.

Judge me as you will, and I will write.
Hate me as you feel, but I will write.
Love it like you want, and I will write.

Faithfully, entertaningly, hurtfully, at length, in short, with love, in jest, with anger, or anyother way I feel neccessary, I will write.

Take it how you want, it is my duty to my heart and mind to do the only thing I know to get all of my feelings out.

The only person i am more honest with is God.

Ok so I haven't posted quite as frequently as I mgiht like to, what with all that is going on, but i figured I would enter in one last blog before i leave for PARADISE thursday and leave you all without reading material for 2 weeks. I have created and itemized list for the topics I would like to cover, incase I don't get to them all before I have to scurry away and finish packing.

• Mr. Future Millionaire
• Andrew, Joe, John, and Adolf
• Rediculous natural disasters and the stupidity of people therein
• Paradise

Mr. Future Millionaire and I got together Sunday because he has been begging me to talk, oh since the day Miss. Woo Woo left for college. We talked (and walked for the matter) in circles for a good hour ( I think.. I knda lost track of time... ) All I had to say is all I have been saying and all he had to contribute was that he wanted to remain friends. I do too, but to be hoest and call me a cat all you want, I can't do it. I can't because I will always distrust her and I will always worry about him being friends with her and that is disrespectful. There is no reason for me to care what she does with him but I always will and that is not fair to him. And it isn't fair to me to just say "Suck it up, because this is what i want from you." I am hurt. I need comfort. I don't need things to be like they were, because they WERE a lie. i thought we were getting married, or atleast getting along. If we went back it would just be the same catastrophe all over again. Not to mention the fact that i refuse to even talk to Miss. Woowoo and that i will never go back on because I will just end up accepting the blame and letting her off the hook LIKE I ALWAYS DO. And then this will all happen again. I will be sensitive and honest and vulnerable and she will find a way to CRUSH me. FORGIVE 77X7 BUT FORGET NOT LEST YOU DIE BY REPEATED DRAMA. God didn't say that. I did.

The dahl brothers, How i love thee, let me write about the ways. I have officially found four men, all in the same family, that i would marry and have babies with. No, that's not true. I think there are 7 brothers all together and even though I have not met them all, I am sure I would like them. After having my heart broken by Mr. Movie when he told me they went to Atlantic city and he didn't know if they were coming back before they headed home, I gave up every hope of ever seeing them again :( THEN, I of course could not keep my mouth shut in church (and this time it actually benifited me...) I said something to Mr. Movies father about how much i ADORED his cousins and how BROKEN HEARTED I was about them leaving for Atlantic City and not telling me and simultaneously ruinging my chances of every finding another nice guy in this stinkin' city when the following conversation insued:

"Atlantic City?"

"Yeah your son told me they went to Atlantic City and they didin't tell me and they didn't invite me and now I will never secure my future with one of them and I will become an old maid and be forced to run a burlesque to pay for my retirement in Hawaii..."

"They didn't go to Atlantic City...."

"They didn't????"

"No they're still working on Mr. movies brother's house. But they finish up today, would you like their cell phone number?"

"UH HUH!!! My Jaw hit the floor my eyes turned into stars and I might have sctratched my ear with my left leg.

So they were still in town and I called and left a crazy message on their work phone ("HI Andrew, Joe, John, and Adolf, this message is from Super Footwear Girl, I heard you were still in town tonight and I just thought you might want to go out, umm, give m ea, uh, call, this is my number, my number is xxx-xxx-xxxx so now you have it so give me a call before you leave, k bye!"

I lost it there towards the end.. .I suddenly realized what i would think if I met some zealous over-enthusiastic so and so through my cousins and how I would feel if they went and found out my work number and left me an INSANE message. Luckily. I think, their dad called me back before listening to the message and said "You called this number?" And I had to explain how i knew his sons before I could even ask to speak to anyone of them, because who do you ask for when you love them all equally and you're nuts?

So we played pool until the wee hours of the morning and from what they tell me, the boys were very happy to have met me and to have had time to hang out. Trust me boys, not as happy as me and as one of your future mother in law's.

Wel I really have to go pack, everything else will just have to wait until I get back...

Andrew, Joe, John and Adolf along with Mr. Movies eldest brother came over last night to play some texas hold 'em. I love playing poker with people who don't know how to play because they are ridiculous. The first game was over in about 5 minutes and Me and Matt were out in about two hands. The brothers decided that was just a practice run and we played another game which lasted until one in the morning. I wipped the floor with them, thankfully, and won myself a record-breaking 25 dollars. They came with no cash so they have to come back and hang out again so that they can pay me my money :)

It is safe to say, though, that I adore every last one of them. They are just too cute. And I really think that they like me just as much. They all commented that, even though they have only met me twice, they feel like they've known me forever :) That's what life is all about. And they love my roomates. They said Michele is "the prettiest 23 year old they've ever seen" (for those of you that know her, you get the joke, if you don't know her, believe that she really is the prettiest 23 year old) and that Tracey is so nice and keeps a beautiful house. ADORABLE.

If anyone needs and Costa rican coffee, work done on their house, or a husband, let me know; I know four perfect boys for the job.

...and the world is going to end. I just got done looking at pictures of what is happening in Louisianna and Mississippi and I can't take it. I have the deepest desire of my heart to fill up my car with supplies, give them all out and come home with three people who need a home and to see dry land. What would i do if i lost everything? Everytime I touch anything I think of the fact that those people don't have it; The tap for water, my hairbrush, my cat, my breakfast, my cell phone... Luxeries and nessecities. Common place and unique items. Pictures, Vital records, diaries, school books, stationary, prescription medication, tylenol, ace bandages, aloe, rice, bannanas, diapers, milk, deodorant, bed sheets, stuffed animals, cds, microwaves, pens, shoes, undergarments, their best friends... all gone or ruined.

Lord help us and Thank you for Blessing us so richly that we were not in the path of the storm and the we have the resources to bless those in need.

17 For forty days the flood kept coming on the earth, and as the waters increased they lifted the ark high above the earth. 18 The waters rose and increased greatly on the earth, and the ark floated on the surface of the water. 19 They rose greatly on the earth, and all the high mountains under the entire heavens were covered. 20 The waters rose and covered the mountains to a depth of more than twenty feet. 21 Every living thing that moved on the earth perished—birds, livestock, wild animals, all the creatures that swarm over the earth, and all mankind. 22 Everything on dry land that had the breath of life in its nostrils died. 23 Every living thing on the face of the earth was wiped out; men and animals and the creatures that move along the ground and the birds of the air were wiped from the earth. Only Noah was left, and those with him in the ark.
24 The waters flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days.

So I threw a cook out last night for the sole purpose of americanizing my little czech sez amemones, and they all ended up working. the rest of my guestlist, as per usual of most of my crap friends, did not show. However, my roomate, my friend Miss. tattoo, and a previously unmentioned Mr. movie (it's really odd that i never mentioned him before, I have known him for a good chunck of time and I lived with him and his parents for a while... oh well, first time for everything...) made a great party. We ended up watching princess bride after I fought with them over a muppets movie- puppets freak me out...) Mr. movie says, i held out on inviting my third cousins because I felt bad." Well, my parties, in case any of you are lucky enough to be invited, are always open house. You are always welcome to invite your mom, your cat, the grocery check out girl, and your third cousins if they're in town. After he invites them, there is a long pause in conversation in which he fills with this:

"I cannot be held personally resposible for what my cousins say or do. They're crazy... like back-woods, no vaccinations, not schoolin' crazy..."

Which leads one to expect pierced, long haired freaks who have no manners and wear shirts that say crazy things like "I see stupid people." I have met another one of Mr.Movies cousins and this was true of that kid, however nice he had turned out to be. So finally, the brigade of boys arrives. Mr. Movie opens the door and invites them in and insists that they do their own introductions because he doesn't know their names. Well... In walks the cast of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. They are tall, broad shouldered, smooth faced men with handshakes as light as air, as if they're afraid the women are too delicate for such a rough tradition. They say hello, introduce themselves, and make way for the kitchen. I introduced the food and let them have at it, and the whole time they complemented my kitchen, they held the door of the refrigerator open for me, they polietly allowed eachother giveway at the table, ect. they said "please" and "Yes ma'am," they refused to allow my roomate to take out the trash, they made the most delightful conversation, and they threw away their own cups and plates. In short, they were the most well-groomed, best mannered, and funniest group of 'country bumkins' I have ever met.

If Country is all about Andrew, Joe, John, and Adolf, count me in for a lifetime of hee-hawin'

I love my mom even though she drives me CRAZY 92% of the time; but here is just one hilarious example that insanity is genetic:

I called my mother at work yesterday to ask her a question about car payments. My friend has just purchased a brand new, gorgeous Scion and her car payments are 350ish a month and she thought that was a little high. As I call my mom for answers to all of lifes pressing questions, I decided to dial her up and see if this payment is reasonable. My mother proceeds to have one of her classic freak out moments "YOU AREN'T THINKING OF BUYING A CAR ARE YOU?? YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T AFFORD ONE WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU DEFAULTED ON A PAYMENT?? YOU DON'T HAVE THE CREDIT TO GET A CAR--" Here I had to stop my mother from having a heart attack and my Super Footwear girl powers were needed to I quietly assured her that it was just a casual question and that i would have to call her back. So i hang up, ring the two people who apparently loved my facial expressions and my occasional emphmatic ejaculations of "ma." I finish ringing and call my ma back and I tell her

"Hey ma, I got proposed to"
"Oh yeah, by who?"
"One of my little czech boyfriends proposed to me so that he could get a green card and stay in america."
"Well, yeah thats one way to get a green card..."

Let's weigh the situation here: Your only daughter's friend buys a car and you freak out, but she tells you she's getting married to get someone a green card and you think it's the most logical answer to life and the universe?

ABSOLUTE STRAIGHT JACKET INSANITY....

I heart crazy people.

I was stopped at a red light today and lollygaggin' out of my window due to my crap car which has 2-50 air conditioner (Two windows down doing 50.) And low and behold, the hottest guy I have ever seen is sitting next to me in his little nissan (my new favorite car for whatever reason.) I caught his eye and promptly looked away. (I am of the belief that you don't shop out of you price range and you also do not chat up people out of your price range.) So I hear his radio turn down and He yells something. So I turn down my radio and look over and he polietly repeats,
"You're listening to COUNTRY?"
"Yes, what's wrong with Country?"
"I dunno, nothin I suppose, Does your husband like Country?"
"No, no husband...What are you listening to?"
" Hip-Hop... no, no wife to say no to..."
"Oh i see...'
"So what are you doing all the way out here?"

And he proceeds to chat me up AT THE STOP LIGHT!! Never before and certainly never again will guys be so adventurous as this week. A marraige proposal, a stop light swoon... .Ahhh I love summer time....