There are several reasons why i enjoy writing but I think one of the most prominent ones is the fact that i can say, do or think anything here in type and it never has to mean anything. I can type that i am a pregnant teen, divorced middle ager, midlife career woman or nothing at all and no one shoulde blame or judge me. I can type about my sincere love for Christ, my biggest heartbreak, or the delight in my simple joys and people can cry, laugh or mock me all they want without my knowing it or them offending me. This is my sanctuary. My way of living things I don't. My way of expressing things i do. My way of sharing my thoughts and feelings. I am always free to be completly honest, exxagerated, false or any combination there of and no one is the wiser.

At least i thought i was free.

I thought this would be my saving grace. For years I have kept a private journal, but that was more a record of personal events rather than an expression of my artistic and creative take on life. I love the freedom writing gave me in private, but i devour the attention and idea that my writing is loved, hated, laughed at or admired for good show here. I observe the rights of annonymity here because i respect peoples lives. AND because the characters here are not just the poeple in my life, they are charicatures. I have said it before, but I am happy to repeat that though these blog entries are based on real people and the stories are taken from real life, they are charicatures. If you recognize yourself in these charicatures, it is not to be blamed on the artist. I blow things out of proportion and expand where I want and condense where I need to represent a character that i have created, to show the life that i lead in an entertaining and exploitive way. I take the liberty to transform the real people i know and interact with to make them louder, bigger, more important, less essential, more dramatic, smaller, or more obnoxious than they really might appear in everyday association because that is my eapress right as an artist and a human being. I have the right to lie, tell the whole truth, or mix fancy and folly with fact and fiction to create and entertaining, envigorating or enraging piece of work in order to express my deep, over the top, or understated feelings.

When my heart gets broken I can't run to the person and say

"I've listened to Matchbox20's You won't be mine 875 times. I have cried 96 tears and thought of 300 other torturous scenarios I would prefer to the present predicament i find myself in, including, but no limited to being stuck in a telephone booth for all eternity with my mother and when I finally clear my eyes and open my mind it is all still too true.Mr. Future millionaire still want her more than me. My heart is still cut into seven peices and scattered around the Famous Footwear nation. I would still rather run away to Asia Minor than reconcile with my two closest friends."
I do not have the liberty to be completely honest with my feelings in person so i do it here. While I exxagerate people, places and things, the feelings i have are always true, whether they seem extreme or not. I am always true in represents my deepest, shallowest, upto the moment, or retrospective feelings because I have no choice. I feel them and they're real and I have to get them out somehow or I explode. Rather than die a messy and extremly painful death, I write.

Judge me as you will, and I will write.
Hate me as you feel, but I will write.
Love it like you want, and I will write.

Faithfully, entertaningly, hurtfully, at length, in short, with love, in jest, with anger, or anyother way I feel neccessary, I will write.

Take it how you want, it is my duty to my heart and mind to do the only thing I know to get all of my feelings out.

The only person i am more honest with is God.