It frustrates me that the only reason guys have broken up with me is for who I'm not rather than who I am.

I mean, I have enough annoying qualities. I wake up ealry and like everyone else to wake up with me because I cant stand not having attention, I'm obsessed with school in the sense that I do well and I know it, I'm annoyingly perky and absolutely in love with bubblegum pop like Hanson (I even piss myself off sometimes), when I'm in a bad mood, no one can touch me, and I'm far to clingy for anyones benefit.

But guys tend to break up with me for what I'm lacking. I'm not pretty, I'm not good enough to bring home to mommy (or bad enough, depending on the guys objective), I'm not into sex, I'm not into drugs, I don't like heavy metal or classical music all that much, I'm not a princess (atleat not as much as I'd like to think so), I'm not very mature, though I'm not too IMmature-- In short, I'm not perfect.

The more I think about it, the more I start to see myself for who I'm not. I think that's why this whole "future-oh-my-what-in-the-name-of-sweet-cow-milk-am-I-going-to-do-with-myself?" approach to life is coming from lately. People say to me "what do you want to be, what do you want to do with yourself?" And all I can think is that there are a hundred things I'm not that I would love to be just so I can be that perfect Miss. for a perfect Mr.

I hate thinking of myself in terms of "I am not" rather than "I am" or even "I will be." It really bites.