Do you say "Thy will be done?"

Or does God say, "All right then, have it your own way"?

For a long time, and maybe even a little still, my life resembled the latter statement. Oh, I prayed earnestly for God's guidance in my life. I prayed and waited for His response, for His word, for His command. When I received it, I turned away , on purpose, just to see what could possibly go wrong, and did just the opposite.

When I prayed in the face of sexual desires, I found myself giving way to all of my sexual instincts. My biological imperative took over.

I started being sexually active, then I prayed about a marriage. Because I never wanted sex without a marriage, or a marriage without sex.

I got married and had sex, a lot of it, and so did my husband. And not always with me, and certainly never with a prayer.

I prayed about my broken heart, and God rescued my life. I cried, a bawled, I never wanted to breath again. And God said, "Oh, yes you will breath. And live freely in my love. And love again."

Life, love, these things are far from easy. But they are glorious gifts.

Sure, my wrong doings haunt me with guilt.
Sure, I still cry about the things I did or didn't do with or without God.

But I would rather be humble and sad a wary then pompous and proud and indignant.
Atleast I realize the mistakes I made in ignoring God.

I am trying to change. Will you be there when I'm all better?