i know I haven't had much to say in a while but I am terrified of my blogspot.

I am terrified that whatever I say here is up for any kind of interpretation and I am terrified that anyone can pull it up at any moment and quote me on it. I think someone forgot to read me my miranda rights when i got hauled to court for the contents herein. but so goes my life.

I have found myself in an interesting predicament as of late. I am terrified of everyone.

I am terrified that my boss isn't satisfied with my work and I have lost all initiative concerning such because of my fear.

I am terrified of talking to anyone in my church because God forbid they see something in me that's off white. I am terrified they will see that I am a normal, flawed individual and that they will insist that I need "help."

I am beyond terrified of the Phenomenal Mr. L. TERRIFIED. He's gorgeous and older and more experienced and passionate and suddenly I don't hold any cards and he sees right through me and strips me down to my naked naivete without a second thought as to my modesty and awkwardness. I feel like such an idiot everytime I see him-- like I can't remember how to start a conversation-- believe me, the irony is so not lost on me...

I am just scared that every little thing I say here or anywhere will mean anything or everything or nothing and I'll have nothing left after everyone rapes me of my soul's essentials.

Can you see the dilemma du jour?