Brokenheartsville is a lonely place, it's true.

But is not being broken hearted worth being with the wrong person?

In my first "big girl relationship" which lasted a total of 4 and a half whole weeks, including the "talking" stage, I have learned more about myself and the world than I ever thought I needed to know. I'll admit, up until now I have been painfully naive to how the real world and the relationships we encounter herein work. I thought that people met and either fell in love or didn't. I thought that people were either attracted to one another or weren't. I believed that there was some rhyme and some reason to how people seek eachother out and who makes the cut in each persons personal in crowd. I have discovered that there are so many more grey areas than I could have ever expected.

For instance, you can WANT to have sex with someone without being attracted to them. You can WANT to be with someone even though they have nothing you are looking for in a mate. You can LIKE someone with a twisted mix of sexual tension and sweet naive romantic desires without ever seeing them as someone you could LOVE.

I just never knew it was this complicated. I mean, I am the biggest advocate of complex thoughts and feelings that I know, but this... this is so much bigger than me. This level of confusion is so beyond what I have the capacity to even allow, let's not even assume that I could try to understand it. Becoming a nun would have solved all of these problems. Never feeling his kiss or listening to the soft sweet dreams he had to tell me could have saved my precious naivete.

But I suppose what is done is done. I can't get that ignorance back...

For Shame.