Meant for Someone Else

This is something I was writing to the Ex, and then my better judgement got ahold of me and I decided to give it to you. If I send it to him, it will just perpetuate communications. But I knew you would understand.

Ugh. Every time I get a bill I cringe. I keep thinking (like an idiot) that one day you will man up and pay off things that you owe. You know, like the apartment that you trashed and ditched, the Jeep, the cell phone etc... It's like you hurt me all over again every time I get a bill. But I guess that is your plan. I don't know why I am even writing this, I know you don't care.

I just keep having these nightmares of being buried alive by your negativity. I hate everything you are and were to me. And I hate the monthly reminders of you. I can't wait to be divorced, but I know even that won't erase all of the pain. And I know even if the court tells you to, you won't repay your debts. Even if they put you in jail, I know you won't care.

Heck, all you had to do to keep the Jeep was make the payments, and you couldn't even do that. I don't mean to heckle you, I just want this to be over, and I want you to recognize, at some point, your mistakes and (literally and figuratively) pay for them. But why should you? You don't care and everyone in your life allows you to behave in this reckless and unfeeling way.

I guess I just can't believe I fell for it all. For your lies and your deceit. For you pain and your hurt. What was I thinking?