What makes a girl do the dirty deed...

I have recently caught myself thinking about sex more and more. It is no secret to you faithful reader that I have long since struggled with my id based, sinful, sexual desires and their balance in my life. I also struggle with the "right" kind of sex and sexual expression.

After reading this enlightening article from (of all places) AOL news, I realize that, as a nation, we struggle with sex daily as well. Sex sells and it sells easily. If we Americans have no way to sell, we have no economy. And we're all worried about that, even if those among us never give a second thought to sex.

But here's something new you have never known about me: I have considered how easy it must be to sell yourself. And I have often considered mine to be of a temperament that could sustain periodic detachment of the mind and soul from the body long enough to supply carnal favors to someone I barely knew to upwards of $200 an hour.

Terrible, you think? Disgusted with me, are you? Well I have a question for you.

Am I terrible, or is the man who made me feel like my sex was a commodity a monster?

Am I disgusting, or was the woman who set the price before me tempting me with her success and my failure?

I have given my love away for free for years. I have kissed without being kissed, I have loved without being loved, I have wasted my affections, flirtations, and desires on unwilling and uninterested men and, sometimes, at prostitution or the profession of "call girl," I think, wouldn't it be ideal to have men seek ME for companionship? Forget the fact that they would be paying me, they would seek me to satisfy them.

Many men who do use prostitutes don't do it just for the sex. Sometimes, it is simply about being with someone who will not judge you. Someone who, for an hour or two, feels obliged to indulge you.

I would never be a sex slave. But I see how those women who chose to be could.

But aren't I already a sex slave? Haven't I already chosen my clothes and perfume based on that which makes you look at me? Haven't I already learned to push out my chest sit up straight and catch your wandering glance? Don't I sigh in your ear and tell you my deepest darkest desires in order to get you to hold me and love me and stop judging me even for a moment? Isn't this what the media, you men, and the women before me told me is necessary for survival?

I know I may seem unconventional for admitting this out loud. But I just didn't see any point to making those of you out there feel like you're alone.

The weight of the sin of desire is one too heavy to bear alone, so for you I have given a piece of my soul. Judge me if you will, but know that I know your secrets for they are mine too.