A FRIENDLY NOTE TO ALL MY ASSOCIATES IN COLLEGE:

I am not dead. I do still exist even though it may seem impossible; what with my non-impacting lifestyle and all. I have not changed my name, I have not started smoking pot or having sex, and I still enjoy intelligent life forms. Please don't think that just because I'm not paying exorbenant fees at a beurocratic institute for textbook knowledge and brief over views of world philosophies that I am any less educated than yourself. Please don't entertain the thought of me, sitting on my proverbial tuffet, wondering what to do with myself now that I have no life, comparably speaking. Don't let your mind be fooled or your hearts be troubled, I am hard at work at my four self-educating jobs and with my sitcom "loser" townie friends. When I contact you, it is not because i am bored, lonely, depressed or even free to actually conversate. It simply is an olive branch that I choose to extend to you dorm room quadratist, an offering of peace and continuing friendship even though I am exhausted, frustrated and busier than a Harvard grad during the writing of their dissertation. If you should feel so disinclined as to not conversate in return, please don't use the excuse of homework, school or your new social lives to cover up. Simply say you would not like to speak to me. Don't act like you don't know me, or worse that you can spare a moment but thats all because you have to rush off to your self-important, pompous, pious, pretentious philosophy course or science study- group. The fact is, I was only trying to be a good person, there is no need for condecension, rudeness, or any form of malicious ignorance. If you would like a friend in someone as loyal as myself when you arrive home, simply respond to the 27 letters, 10 emails, and 738 text messages and instant messages that I have stretched and scheduled to send you.

A friendly reminder from your local townie in "i'm too busy but i haven't forgotten how to sustain true and connecting relationships," Maryland.