Of Love and the Old and New

Many strange, awkward, unnerving and delightful things can happen in a year left open and unrestricted. Let's take a look.

In January, I was cold and unfeeling. Numb by to much work and absolutely no sleep or reflection, I had not allowed myself to heal or dream or cry or think about what had happened to me- to my marriage, to my essence. I alienated everyone around me because I was exhausted, angry, hurt and worst of all, hopeless. Hopeless for a future without the previous pains. Hopeless for a future that would be bright enough to cast away the shadows of my sins and failures.

February was a turning point not only of the year but of my life. For once, I followed impulses in me that lead to something good. Something productive. Something Me. I started school for the spring semester and connected. New people. New thoughts. New hopes. I remembered my plans and dreams pre-ruination and picked up where I left off with more fervor and dedication than I thought possible.

March came in much the same. Work, school, life, coffee breaks, term papers, presentations, new friends- it all blended into one beautiful mosaic. Until he came along. Until I noticed the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen. Untill I marveled at someone so like me that his oneness reached out and playfully tapped me on the nose.

The Boy and I met on an off chance at a local bar when I randomly accepted an invitation for drinks and rousing conversation with new friends. So randomly, I surprised myself. And then there he was. All of his tallness, quiet observation and poliet conversation in one essence. I made a fool out of myself as usual over him and thought nothing of it until there we were, answering text messages. There he was, calling me back. Here we were, chatting it up, making friends, going on dates, drinking, laughing, singing, loving.

In April we drank our weight in Bourbon and traveled down the coast to the ocean side. In May we spent warming nights talking about nothing and learning everything. In June we saw DC and laughed at it. In July we enjoyed family functions and moments of calm love. August was the month of a million text messages, September through November were just the same measures of quiet, sure, strong love I had grown accustomed to. December was christmas and cheer and holly and carols and sparkling love. And January is a new love. A true love. A blue love. A love where we don't say "If," we say "When."

The love of a Boy isn't everything. It just made everything seem more important this year. More possible. More tangible. Getting an A on my report card was exciting because The Boy would be proud of me. Seeing Hawaii alone was sad but hopeful because he will see it and love it as I do one day. He made the sad moments bearable and the bright moments brighter. Like a good wine, the love of a Boy who has a love for this girl was an accent to a fine meal of a year. A fulfilling, warming, nourishing year that I just haven't had enough of yet.