I haven't actually written much in the way of substance lately. I guess the only reason for that is my hectic schedule, my two week tropical vacation and the fact that I have talked it all out of me. Yes, talked intelligently and at length with the one, the only, the nearly married Mr.Paramour. (I told you this was getting interesting.) He got mad at me today because I lied to my mom about being out with him. (She says I don't know what I'm getting myself into- obviously not because I didn't know I was getting into anything...) I got mad at him because he lied to his fiance about being out with me today.

"I told her I'm not taking any more of her shit, I'ma tell her straight up, yeah I'm hangin out with her and what, y'namean?-- hol' up Hallo?... Yeah baby I miss you too.... uh-huh... nah baby I'm at the pool ... oh you just talkin to my dumbass, huh? (verbatim, I swear!) oh you gonna call you other boyfriend huh?... yeah, she here...."

What the hell is that, do tell? "Don't care about what they say, I don't listen to her, I just tell her "yeah babe I am gonna talk to Louise, what about it"MY ARSE. "Don't let what my psycho no good girlfriend has to say baout you or to you get to you, but let me lie to her so she don'tknow I'm hanging out with you" I HATE THIS. I HATE HIM TELLING ME EVERYTHING. I HATE BEING FRIENDS WITH HIM. I HATE THAT HE'S WITH HER. I HATE THAT SHE'S SUCH A DOG. I just generally hate this situation. Her family doesn't like him, his doesn't like her, HE doesn't love her, She tries to control every breath he takes.... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ADULTS? I swear i wish I could just be married and not ever even have the chance to get this involved in someone else's relationship.

Oh yeah and guess who the cat drug in for kelly's wedding saturday all the way from sunny Texas? Mr.Mr. Mr. "I'm too old for you but I'll be friends with you no matter what they say untill it bugs me and then I'll just treat you like something my dog ate and threw up on my carpet" came up for a nice little visit...

"wow, I haven't talked to you in a while, a guess since even before I left... yeah sorry about that... well I hear you're doing well... yeah yeah I'm fine..."

WHY DID HE HAVE TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT? I always fell for those sad lonely littlle puppy eyes. DAMN HIM AND HIS EYES! Lookin' at me like that getting me all worked up inside like things weren't ridiculous when he left. Looking at me like he didn't break my heart and make me cry unneccesarily when he listened to every words they said and just turned everything off to me. Looking at me like he didn't give up on our friendship just as easily as he packed up and moved on home with barley a word. Damn him so swooping back in here like that with those eyes.... :(

Oh well...

Mr.Hampster is finally leaving. I haven't talked to him since graduation when, oh yes, he called me a whore infront of everyone on stage at rehersal... I am so glad now that he's leaving. I'm sad that he's a self-centered, pig-headed, unfeeling, low-life, uptight, self-righteous, incestueous dog and that's why we'll never be together. But I think him leaving will be okay. Good even.

But, with college season approaching, many more departures will also inevitably insue. Miss.Loquacious, who I have managed not to kill yet even after all we've been through, is leaving. As is previously unmentioned Cowgirl. (yes, like ye-haw- she's going to school to become a horse TRADER, not TRAINER, mind you)

What ever shall I do all alone and alonely?
1 Samuel 20:42 to all I know and knew.