wow... the url for my website (this one) is "My real name is Luly." I think it's highly ironic considering the whole name change thing that happened a few weeks ago.

I feel the worst I've felt in a while. Everythign has just been hitting a wall lately and I think it's actually starting to have noticable effects on me. I've tried to hold together the Mr. Hampster business. I've tried to hold together the Future stuff. I've tried to hold together the "I hate my family and house" feelings. I've tried to hold together work and school and clubs and meetings and crappy friends and good friends and my own deficiencies and I'm thinking this is just not working. I'm feeling really hopeless and helpless and alone and even a little faithless and that worries me. I'm frightened and I'm lonely and I'm just plan annoyed at the world. I DON'T KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME.

Things could be worse, I know. I just couldn't feel any worse. I'm getting NUMB and thats DANGEROUS. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions, call 1-800-please-someon-care! Feelin a lil like noone does.

But who should, I'm just that chick on the announcements anyhow, no one really needs to KNOW me.

PLAN A) EL NAVY
PLAN B) EL SOCCER-IO MOMMY-O
PLAN C) There is no plan C, but if there were, it would invovle getting married and MAKING BABIES!!!!!!! WEEOOO!

Sorry, I just needed to let everyone who was concerned know that; yes, I know the navy might not work out, but, Yes, I do have other plans.

T-48

48 what you ask?

48 more days until BLAST OFF.

In case no one noticed, I have a new last name.

Here is the official, top ten list of Crap-o-lack rumors as to why I have changed my name:

Number 10: I was adopted by my stepfather. This one is the one that most people like to believe. For whatever reason, it is an easy explanation that people who don't know me suddenly pull out of their belly button as an excuse. And lets think this thru: In Maryland, you don't have to change your last name if your adopted. Its about finances, not always sybolism.

Number 9: I want to be like John Cougar Mellancamp. For those of you who know who this is ( mostly no one-- think "jack and Diane") John Cougar- John Mellancamp- John Cougar Mellancamp ect....

Number 8: I want to be like Pheobe on a recent episode of friends. A) I did not pick a name like Bannafanna, and B) I changed my name a week before that episode aired.

Number 7: I want to be like Pheobe on friends. This on gets two in the Top Ten Crap-o-lack reasons because i don't even watch friends and if I were stupid enough to change may name because of a show, I would atleast change the whole dang thing.

Number 6: I just needed a change. Anyone who knows me knows I hate change.

Number 5: It's a better stage name. Yeah friggin right...

Number4: I didnt REALLY change it, I'm just pulling a clever rouse on EVERYONE. Yeah, ok if I were that smart I would be able to think up something better and though that is half true, I didn't really change it, I dont' like to fool people.

Number 3: I am really a secret agent from Russia.Yeah right, then where's my accent?

Number 2: She changed her name? isn't she Kellie Hale? (p.s. Kellie Hale is a petite Black girl)

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON ON MY TOP TEN LIST OF CRAP O LACK RUMORS FOR ME TO CHANGE MY LAST NAME: (dun dun dun dun dun dun!!!)

I got married.

Yeah friggin right.
In the words of my moms boyfriend (NOT my adoptive father): "What would marry you?"

Everyone needs to not bother trying to think of a reason to sound like their in with "that chick on the TV". You don't need to know why, but if you must know ASK ME instead of believing Stephanie Noname or John Doe who does not know me or my story.

In short, it doesn't affect you, since most of you don't know me from Kellie Hale anyways...

I hate that life has to end just as life is begining. I just want to be with him now and worry about forver later. But I don't want either of us to hurt. such is life, full of completely impossible possibilities.