A Chapter in Which Young John Lets Her Down.

I knew this was coming. I could feel it. Things can't be perfect forever.

Everyday, we make small sacrifices for eachother. We let die in our selves small desires the other doesn't share and fan flames of attraction that we share. She started wearing her hair down and reading modern literature for me, I shaved and watching romantic comedies for her. No, no they're not life. They're not moving across country or buying a house with a white picket fence, but they are the humble beginings to fruitful relationships.

These small allowances are the solid beginings to respect and dedication that two poeple need to communicate their deepest secrets and desires to one another. They are the starting line. The first stone to a long road of hapiness and simple attachment.

And then I let her down. And then I saw a small tear fall out of her eye and heard her sigh and I couldn't undo what I had done wrong. I couldn't make her feel that i never meant it. i couldn't show her how terrible i felt to have made her so.... so...so despondant. So untrusting of this thing we have. This "like" thing we are nursing. This relationship we are building on respect and comfort.

There she was, leaning on the edge of the bed, holding back a deluge of discontent and all I could do was sit in silence and wonder.

Why couldn't it be a simple fix?

I suppose if it were simple then she wouldn't be sad and I wouldn't feel as though everything I did and wanted for her were feeble attempts at making myself the man I thoght she wanted.

Maybe that's all we do. We just all of us pretend to love what the other loves and want what they want until neither one of us exist.

Or maybe we work together to become on flesh that wants one future and one life.