When one door closes...

Ok I know this will push me past flighty and straight on into psuedo-slut (for lack of a better word, trust me I tried...) but there's someone new.

Not new, necessarily. Just new to me.

No, not new to me. Just new to the realm of possible dating options.

So I have some back story that I just relaized I forgot to give you...

The week of my birthday, The Boys came into town to celebrate. We had an "All November Babies" blowout, with 6 birthdays and about 9 guests. The boys, Night owl, my roomate, Mr. Heartbreaker, Mr. Movie and myself all hunkered down at my roomate's 'rent's shack and utilized their hot tub for some maximum party pleasure. NO, think about that another way. If you know ANYTHING baout me, you know it wasn't quite a scene from the "Real World," but it did include a rousing game of 20 questions in which I can say I learned just enough about all the boys to more specifically direct my intentions and attentions.

Long story short, the night they left I cried my happy little eyes out. I can't really explain it now, but at the time I had no other reaction. It's surreal how quickly I feel like they are my oldest and dearest friends, but I do and I did.

So about a week later, the Eldest calls me up "just to shoot the breeze." (who would need a better reason?) He said something that caught my ear. Something along the lines of "I like you." Ironically enough, he was the reason I was crying the night they left. I could tell when they were here by the way his eyes lingered on me, the way he questioned me, the way he let me smile at him without turning away with shy embarrassment or complete indifference that there was something more than being my friend. Something more than thinking I was a nice enough girl.

Now of course though comes the dilemma. The conflict. The thing that makes my life a sitcom. The physical distance between us, this thing with the Phenomenal Mr.L which, while I am ending, will certainly leave me a little scarred, and the fact that try as I may, I can't figure him out. I can't crack him compltely. I'm picking up what he's throwing down, but I think he's only giving me half a story. Or I'm missing everyother card. For everytime he's intimated that he cares for me, he restrains my level of returning affections. For everytime he leans in a whispers sweet nothings, he pulls away from my mouth. (Proverbially speaking... talking on the phone makes this visual work a little differently.)

But I guess this is old news for me. The good old "How much will they tolerate my affection?" Game.

I don't know how I feel about that, but I certainly know how I feel about him.

Good, in case you were wondering...