I wish my mom would have been the kind of Mom that fixed everything.

I wish just once I would have had the luxery of hearing "it's ok, it's ok, I'll fix it, don't worry..."

But I got a working mom.

I got an old, tired, poor, lonely, self-serving, been-there-done-that mother. I got fed formula by a babysitter and played with my brothers 13 year old hand me down toys instead of getting new Barbies and the subsequent acessories. Instead of interactive family play time and on the button 6PM family dinners, I got a television and a mickey mouse peanut-butter and jelly sandwich maker.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom for all it's worth. I loved playing dress up in her clothes, I loved being carted around when she went on lunch dates with her girlfriends, I even loved going to work with her. But I would have prefered, instead of being groomed to be an old bitter, single mom, a chance to be a daughter. A chance to grow up under the protective wing of an overbearing, lovingly rebuking mother figure.

Instead, I'm a responsible adult who never grew up. I have a job, but no car because i was never taught to drive, I was only driven. I am self-sufficient, but completly dependant on that fact. i ahve no one and thats how I like it, because if i had someone I wouldn't be able to depend on the consistency of loneliness. I am an under-achieving genius because there is nothing to achieve. No boundaries were ever set to test, no expectations ever enforced. I have no goal to rebel against my parental unit, nor no drive to exceed the limitations placed on me by her expectations. I want to do well, but i am comfortable with not even existing. With never impacting the world around me. I have accomplished somethings, but nothing for anyone to notice because there's no one there to notice. With no reason to be and no one there to clean up after my mistakes, there is no reason for me to be and no reason for me not to be.

I am undone with no direction on how to be completed.
Like a puzzle with no final eding picture, such is a parentless child