Feeling a little voulnerable....

"Lately, I have been having these crazy dreams"

She syas, as she lays down on the oh-so- oevrused and over stuffed red velvet couch..

"mhmmm..." he replies, with a look in his eye that denotes a thoughtfulness she attributes to the grocery list she believes him to write every session.

"Dreams about everything. Everything from kids to marijuana, to my husband, and my old friends and magical happenings, and being in love, and missing people. Dreams that should be my real life but they're just dreams--- dreams that i wish I never saw-- dreams I wish I could relive"

"ahh, I see" Lemonade... Tomatoes... Diapers...

"and I can't help but think about them..." she holds her breath and shakes her head, her newest tick to banish their memory...

After a long pause, he thinks it best to mention " And how does that make you feel?"

" lonely... But I'm not, I'm so happy, so content.... but I can't help feeling-- when I'm having these dreams.... an overwhelming sense of loneliness... like I'm trapped in another universe and I can only see them, I can't reach them..."

"my... thats complicated..." Milk...Bacon...Potting Soil...

"So what do they mean?'

"they who?"

"They the dreams- why can't I get all of these ghosts to stop haunting me?"

Her time is up. He slowly stretches to turn off the alarm, and leaves her with one last thought :

"I'm not involved in the paranormal"

And she wakes, startled by the reality of her messy room in her tiny apartment, on the wrong side of town.

a comment on a comment...

THE COMMENT

Boy it's very conceited of you to think that the blog entry was about you unless of course you are portraying some of those characteristics. examples conniving, deceiving, fake, pompous, placating, phony.... I could go on listing adjectives but I'm sure you get the picture. So in closing, I guess you could say that I find it interesting that someone would get offend over pure Internet nittter- natter, that may or may not even pertain to them.


THE REFLECTION:

RULE NUMBER ONE: NEVER USE SOMEONES FIRST NAME IN A BLOG, COMMENT, POST, OR ANYTHING.

I work VERY hard to spare anyone of direct exposure, please respect me in the same way. The next time someone puts my first name out there like that IN MY OWN BLOG WHEN I DON'T EVEN DO IT, I will have to start breaking things... It's just the rules.

In direct comment to your mention of internet nitter-natter, I find it hard to believe myself. Why must people constantly take what they read and turn it into something its not? Why should someone use my poetic prose, whether positive or negative, to badger me. Ask questions, engage in meaningful conversations, by all means, get involved. But don't be mean. Thats just not fair.


TO CONTINUE

I have a hard time thinking of myself negatively; I would rather believe that I used my powers of perception to deduce that terribly difficult mystery.


And on another note, I would imagine that what you have to say about me (OR ABOUT WHOMEVER YOU WERE TRUELY REFERENCING IN YOUR IRRATIONAL AND HYPOCRITICAL RANT) is more of a reflection on your total lack of control and immaturity than it is a true representation of the person your were dipicting.

The post that appeared on your myspace didn't really include any of those adjectives that you took the time to thesaurus either, so I'm a little confused about your comment. All your post depicted was how ANGRY you were with WHOMEVER and how YOU wished YOU could express your anger in a way that would negative affect the person your were persecuting.


I ALSO BELIEVE that it is unfair of you to further attack me when all I had to say was positive and affirming of my own self esteem, rather than attacking or demeaning your person (accepting only my slant against your grammatical and spelling errors, which I suppose you could see as negative, unless you actuall took my advice WHICH I THINK WE ALL CAN TELL YOU DID BY YOUR IMPROVED STYLE IN YOUR COMMENT-good job, by the way)

THE LOVE

You also mention God's plan for vengance in your post.

Let us all remember Leviticus 19: 16-18:

16 " 'Do not go about spreading slander among your people.
" 'Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD.
17 " 'Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.
18 " 'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD

As well as Romans 12: 17-21:

17Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

THAT IS ONLY if we are speaking of the smae God, The one true God who gives Grace to all and forgives all sins; the Lord Jesus Christ. If we have a different opinion of who God is, then by all means, disregard my biblical references; I apologize for any misunderstanding thereof.

AT ANY RATE

It all comes down to this. Life is hard enough. Quit being negative. Doesn't anyones mother preach "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" anymore?

AND LET US CONFIRM OUR FAITH

ON A MUCH MORE POSITIVE NOTE:

1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

Colosians 3: 1-10

What?

THE FOLLOWING IS A POST FROM SOMEONES MYSPACE...
Someone as in not me. This is someone who obviously has a pretty poor opinion of me, not to mention a pretty poor grasp of grammatics and spelling. I just felt the need to share this. Some people enjoy complaining about the positive things that i have to say. Now it's time for me to complain about the negative things they have to say. Read on....


OCTOBER 14 2006

UMMMM.....
Current mood: bitchy


have you ever been so mad at some one that you wished they would just die.... or at lest leave you alone? well thats about were I am right now. This person (whom I will not say) I know she hates me and I hate her.... no.... scrach that I despise her. every since I've known her my life has been HELL. I can't stand her.....but I can't do anything about it. I can't hit her cause I will hurt her I can't dawm her to HELL cause thats not my place. The onlything I can do is take it like a woman but i wish i could just vent no one will lisen cause they think I am just being dramatic. What I came to grips with is that I am better than here thats why she pushes my buttons cause she knows it and she can't tie me down she has no controll over me and she knows it and it freekes her out.Two can play this game I will do something to her that will...(like the BITCH she is)....(female dag BITCH) run so fast with her tail between her legs and I will come out on top. ha ha ha she has no idea what I have in store for her she will have to always be looking over her shoulder cause I WILL get her back. GOD say evrything comes back ten folds good or bad....so ten fold is what it will be.

word to the wise DON"T PISS ME OFF cause I will come back after you stronger and harder ha ha ha he he he



TRY ME!
*********************************************

Why would someone be that negative? And why do they then have the right for further persecute me for my happiness???

I WONDER....

Oh Cal...

So I wet to get coffee the other morning, which was quite a feet in and of itself- The Daily grind that's closest to my office has, oh yes, 3 parking spots, then there's a delivery lane that 18 people always try to squish into between 8:10-*:14 in the morning. I tried to pull in and my mom kept nagging me about the "proper way to park in the delivery lane" and "not to hit other cars" So I told her I would drop her off and run BACK to the Daily Grind. Obviously I was a little more testy than neccesary due to my lack of caffinated beverage.

So I took mom to the office and came back to pick up my coffee, business as usual. "All fat hazelnut iced large latte, thank you" So I'm leaving right and then BAM!!! A HUGE BLACK TRUCK IS JUST SITTING THERE, PULLED IMPROPERLY INTO THE DELIVERY LANE. And guess who is in the huge black truck, talking on his tiny black cell phone?? THE AMAZING THE OUTSTANDING THE GORGEOUS AND OTHERWISE PERFECT--- CAL RIPKEN!!!!!!!!!!! So I smiled and my little heart started a-fluttering and he waved and the guy coming towards me in the parking lot who obviously did not see or recognize the venerable CAL RIPKEN looked at me like I was a flippin fruit loop.

Then I called my mom.
"MOM OMG GUESS WHO'S IN THE DELIVERY LANE OF THE DAILY GRIND?"
"I don't know but I sure hope you parked diagonally and didn't hit anyone"
"OMG MOM FOCUS I THINK CAL RIPKEN IS IN THE DELIVERY LANE AT DAILY GRIND"
"Listen I can't understand a word you're saying but so help me if you hit someones car---"

Now I had been whispering in a highly excited manner so as not to alarm the amazing Ripken. Now I started to get a little excited and shouted into the phone, in no uncertain terms "CAL RIPKEN IS IN THE DELIVERY LANE OF THE DAILY GRIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, for heaven's sake get a picture of him!"
"OMG but mom what if it's not him what if he says no, he's on his cell phone what if i offend the great and all powerful Ripken"
"IF it is him he'll understand and if it's not so what you'll never see that guy again."

I rolled up next to his improperly parked huge black truck with my window rolled down and no sooner did I whip out the camera phoine did he remove the tiny black cell phone from the ear whence it was attached and udder the unforgettable phrase ....

"Cheese!!"

TO BE CONTINUED.....

She sighs, and with a huff cries A-PAR-HANT-LEE!!

So I fancied myself a poet with my last entry. I believed my brief descriptive poetic blurb in my last entry was not only self-gratifying, but capable of bringing those who truly love me, this city, or life a smile. Maybe not a full on, teeth bearing, say Cheese smile, but a soft thoughtful smile nonetheless.

BUT NO. A-PAR-HANT-LEE some people either

A) Really HATE Baltimore
OR
B) Cringe at the thought of me gaining anything from my life

A-PAR-HANT-LEE these people read my last blog and actually took nothing poetic or relaxed or really useful from it. They just got Angry. They just used it against me.

A-PAR-HANT-LEE they found some offense in my love of seagulls, and crab cakes, a malls, and the 695 Beltway. A-PAR-HANT-LEE they think maybe i should just be miserable. Maybe i should just forgo any happiness or light and transform myself into a thoughtless gnome.

WELL HERE'S A THOUGHT:

Leave me alone.
Get off my case.
If you have a complaint, file it in a box and throw that box in the ocean.

Actually you could just ship that box to me. I can hit the ocean from here.

(It really would take quite some time for your complaint to travel so far to the Atlantic from all the way up in the Mountains, Now wouldn't it???)

If you don;t like that thought i have another on for you, but you'll probably shirk this one off as well:

Call me and tell me you don't want me to be happy.
Call me and tell me that my references annoy, hurt or anger you.
Tell me, instead of badgering someone else. MYSIDEKICK

A-PAR-HANT-LEE, once again, I am not allowed to express my thoughts freely, so I have to use these veiled allusions (which people OFTEN TIMES take much too literally) to sned any messages.

And Boy, is this white child sick of people using her writing to interpret her life. People who don't take the time to even think to, oh I don't know TALK TO ME, are reading my blog, looking at my myspace, riffelig through my personal journals, and rooting through the proverbial garbage of my mind in order to garner some false sense of what I mgiht be thinking at any given time.

Can anyone really know what, in his most profound work, The Wasteland, Eliot meant by the verse:

THE river's tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf
Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind
Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed.
Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song.
The river bears no empty bottles, sandwich papers,
Silk handkerchiefs, cardboard boxes, cigarette ends
Or other testimony of summer nights. The nymphs are departed.
And their friends, the loitering heirs of city directors;
Departed, have left no addresses.
By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept...
Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song,
Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long.
But at my back in a cold blast I hear
The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear.

Can anyone really judge what her state of mind was when Charlotte Bronte set our to write Jane Eyre?

If you can, you would be the first, a true inside source. Surmise. Wonder. Philosophize. Discuss. Debate. Theorize. Hypothesize.

You could look at their history. Consider the evets in their life and what effect they might have had on their overall sensibility and opinion. You could look at their Zodiac sign and determine if they are an analytical thinker or a heart-lead feeler. You could sit for hours and ponder all the hidden messages. Or whether there was only on message. You could discuss their motifs, plot, setting, or theme. You could divine an answer with runes.

In short you could Guess.

But do you really know? Is it really fair to make the assumption and say with authority what is and isn't, what is meant and derived, what is said and what is omitted?

In truth, you do not know. Nor do you know or have any understanding.

STOP THE LIES.

Or just ask me. I'll tell you all my dirty secrets.

The clean ones you'll have to pay for.

Loving Arms

I went for a walk, barefoot and calm the other 70 degree day. Just another crazy winter for baltimore, I thought. the winter sun wrapped its unusually warm rays around me and I felt a calm I have not felt for almost a year.

I am home, and my city, She has opened her arms to me and delivered me to the foot of the sea, to be swallowed whole by all things maritime and beautiful.

A few of my favorite things

My husband thinks that I write about too many negative things and don't include enough positive ones. While everyone knows that writing is about expressing your feelings and being true to your self and all that jazz, I am going to bend to his will just this once and write things he might like to read... But I do intend to use extremely exorbitant words just to annoy him in a reticent sort of way...


THINGS I LOVE TO LOVE:

1. I am begining to love the cold mountain weather. It is exceedingly reanimating to come in from the cold and finally start to feel your toes again.

2. I love snuggling. See number one for my favorite machinations for snuggling. (I was not commiting an espieglerie about the vernacular, hoi polloi... I make no atonement for the sin of being a smart ass.)

3. I love my monogynist. I am aware that it is a given, but I don't presuppose I say it nearly enough for everyone to kumtux.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

1. Having dreams. As Cindy once said " A dream is a wish your heart makes..." and I am a wishin'

2. My husband. I love him and he makes my heart jumpand do tiny sumersaults for joy. I wish I weren't so hard on him, or so particular, or so demanding. Because i think it makes him forget how much I really do adore and esteem him.

3. My drive to go home. He really is all I have right now and I am so small without him. I am in a situation that forces us apart right now but my heart is racing for him as if he were the finish line of life.

Just a few nice thoughts in a world full of malignity and depression...

Invisible girl

I have always said that if I had a super power it would be invisibility. And today i think I achieved it. I had a door shut on me five times, someone ask for me when I was in the same room, and my husband either has learned another language and everytime I ask him a question he just hums quietly and gos about with his business.

It really kinda of sucks to be so inconsequential with all of these ubber important people floating on past me. My in laws and coworkers and roomates (all the same general category) speak over, around, under and next to me in order to avoid noticing the great gray glob of absorbtion I have become.

I have never felt so quiet in my life...

A Hardcover Copy...

i have been pressured into it time and time again and i think I might actually do it. I know, i know what you're going to say. I'm too young. I don't know what I am getting myself into. This will change my life forever. I can't undo it.

But it's time. I am at the point in my relationship with life where I can comfortably say yes... without regrets.

I am going to make a good faith effort to write a book. I have wanted to. Wondered what it would feel like. Dreamt about it. Fantasized about the smell, the feel, the love of the pages and binding.

I know. I am a pervertion of my former self. I am no longer full of pure thoughts. All I can think about is tha first moment when I realize that i did it... The release, the explosive joy of writing a new-york times best seller....

Ah, exploring the wet dreams of a nerdy almost-English major...

A Curious Dream...

So i was sleeping the other night, LIKE YOU DO, and I got to dreaming...

I had a dream that I was packing and leaving Mr. Bunny to go back to high school. Throughout the dream I was consumed with worry about how to see him during the school year and was he going to come to my volley ball games and what my teachers could possibly teach me in another year of high school.


It was so interesting to wake up feeling like I had to go buy back to school clothes and like I was going to see Miss. Loquacious in a few days.

And then I got to thinking, LIKE I DO, and I thought...

Gee I miss school. And my friends. And my learning environment. And not being responsible for everything. And having free time. And having the time to think about thing that I think are profound like BLOGGING and LIFE... in that order.

I just realized that I have no idea what I am doing and I miss knowing things...

Anything...

Something New

There is something very blissful in knowing that my one and only is coming home soon. Here it is, nine thirty on a Friday and I know that at some point in the very near future, my husband is preparing to walk through that door and sweep me off my feet. Or at least crash on the bed beside me and hold me close while he snores and talks an intelligible nonsense all night long.

I know this is bound to happen tonight because it happened last night and the night before and most likely will continue as a trend. He will come home to find me half asleep on the couch and I will find him smelling of sawdust and we will melt into sweet oneness for four to eight hours straight and it will be great. Outstanding. Superb. Thrilling.

The swet routine of wedded bliss...

Ahh... Married Life

My husband (That's right, I said Husband) likes to do this thing that he thinks is so cute. Anytime someone asks him about married life, he likes to hem and haw a moment, and then lose all notable feeling in his eyes and look at the palm of his hand and autonomously rattle off this response:

"Married life is great, I am a happily married man with a lovely wife"

Don't we all think that's cute?

just another snippit from what now is my life.

So shoot me....

I know I am such a hypocrit. So i go on and on for months about how i couldn't possibly have a myspace and how mind numbing it is...Then I spent all day yesterday figuring it out and putting up my wedding pictures (myspace.com/adayinthelifeofmrs_dahl)

I KNOW I KNOW... I am such a fish. But what can i say? I like the attention and the fact that I am on the web! It's like being in a newspaper, writing the newspaper, and passing it out...

Myspace = Death

I hate myspace.

Anyone who knows anything about me understand why, but for those of you that have no clue where my agression comes from, I will be happy to illuminte the situation.

Maintaining a myspace takes no brain power. You spend all of your time learning internet speak (Wht r u doin 2nite? etc) and looking at other poeples pictures. Thinking about what they think is cool in terms of music video and who thier best friend is. There is no exchange of ideas, no real connections made, just proverbial mindless relationships that are as emotionally fulfilling as one night stands.

So I have no myspace (well thats not entrely true, I am on there but i do nothing with it)

And I keep getting emails from myspace. "You have a new omment" "McWhore wants to be your friend" So i think "What the hell, did I set one up on this screenname that i forgot about"

I go onto myspce, oh I forgot my password, and they send it to me. So I got on and it's so not me. It's so whiny, bratty 20 year old in California that works minimum wage for a health food store, talking about navel gazing rock and "dark" poetry. (i.e. crap that she has written that she hopes everyone will think is too meaningful to think that it's crap)

So I changed everything on it and left the nastiest comment that i think I have ever been able to muster. I get a crap explanation that it was her e-mail address first (Which is bull, because I have had my email adress for 12 years now) and that she was just trying to get back at her ex and why should I have the right to mess her whole myspace up when she didn't do anything to my email??

YES YOU DID! I FELT SO VIOLATED HAVING YOUR STUPID FRIENDS LEAVING COMMENTS IN MY EMAIL, PUSHING OUT ALL THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING PAIN IN MY BUTT.

RAAAR

Branching Out

So I ha ve officially branched out ofthe proverbial box that is single-blogdom and made two new blogs. (Both of which you can find the links for in my blogger profile)

One of the newer blogs, Merciful and Mighty, is taking shape on it;'s own, in 125 words or less a day. it will end up being a fictional story about one girl in an interesting relationship with her significant other and God. FUN FUN

The other one: HELP! i MARRIED A CONTRACTOR! Is all about my new life with Mr. Bunny. it will sort of be a compilation of tips for new brides, housewives and just generally a list of cool and not-so-cool things about marriage.

I hope everyone who reads this one and hates it, loves it or feels indifferent will atleast try one of my other flavors. I am trying so hard to worm my way mercilessly into your hearts...

..I know, I'm a sneaky sneaky lil wench....

Miss. Locquacious and I have had a long running first question for any 20 questions game we endeavor to begin: What type of Peanut Butter do you like; Crunchy or Creamy?

We have asked tens of people that question and matched it to their personality with intent to measure their personality accordingly. It has never worked. mostly because we can't decide what either answer amounts to. but i have found a way to solve this dilema.

"How do you take your Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches:
A) With the peanut butter on one side and the Jely on the other
B) With both condiments on one side"

Either answer, however, equates to the same personality trait.

COMPLETE INSANITY.

If you have to care about how someone makes your peanut butter and Jelly sandwich (and i am talking about someone making it for you, not you personally making it for yourself) then you are without a doubt clinically insane. there is something wrong with the ticker of a person who has to ask "How did you make this PB&J?" Or worse still, upon the site of you slathering your PB&J together "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?"

Just a simple thought for today's lucky reader.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Every now and then, sometimes sleeping in his arms, sometimes washing his clothes, sometimes hearing his voice from acorssthe room... sometimes I think to myself: I am married. I am a married woman. I have married the most handsome, sweet, daring, dashing, real-life Prince Charming I could have ever found.

A peace which passeth all understanding washes over me and I find that I have what I need all right here, and it is all mine for the rest of my life.

IF I NEVER:

If I never moved to White Marsh,
I would have never been in a different school district.
If I never got rejected to Carver,
I would have never gone to Overlea.
If I never applied myself in school,
I would have never gotten into GT classes in tenth grade.
If I never met Mr. Hampster,
I would have never gone to New Day Baptist.
If I never met Mr. Movie,
I would have never met Mr. Bunny.

And I would have never lived happily ever after...

wow this month has certainly been a ride, if nothing else... or if everything else.

Tomorrow is Friday and Saturday I am getting married. MARRIED. As in "do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Married as in "Hon, how long have we been married? 74 years?" married. As in the rest of my life.

Someone has just taught me that I shouldn't think of this as the beginging of my life. And this thought has brought to my mind a new revalation if you will. that thought...

My life has been really interesting. I was raised so differently than many people might assume upon meeting me. But to me it was so normal. I had insomnia when I was 10 until I was 16 because I was so used to sleeping in my mom's bed. I am homesick for Oahu. My little tender heart was crushed when my brother told me he wouldn't give me away at my wedding. I dropped eveyrthing (which wasn't much but a retail job and a handful of deliquient friends) to go 250 miles away and "gamble" the rest of my life away.

And now I am continuing my life with a whole new person. In a whole new place. With a whole new perspective on life. I am becoming someone's wife. not someone's charge. Not someone's "buddy." I am becoming one with another person that compared to how well I know myself, I have no concept of how to honor and cherish as well and as fully as I should.