Exciting mews everyone: I finally had a chance to stop thinking about the super duo of life ruining madenning "friends" this week and I actually had some fun in the process!

I get a call friday night (I think it was friday... maybe thursday.... anywho..) Here's the extended short and tall of things:

Me: "Hello?"
Mysterious Mr. "Hey, How've you been?"
"Fine... and Yourself?"
"Good..."
"So what's new?"
"Nothing much, I'm in town on leave and I found your number so I thought I would call you up and see how you were doing..."

At this point I am completly baffled. I ran through a very short list in my mind of who might call me while on leave and came up with one promising response and any number of other rather disapointing alternatives, including wrong number scenarios.

"Home on leave?... who is this?"
"Mr. Navy Dude, of course..."

My greatest expectations fulfilled, I spewed to his kind ear a great deal of excited exhlations of joy and surprise and after about five minutes of me going "I can't believe you're not butter," We agreed to spend the next 3 days together non-stop. But that fun ended and he is now back in Japan for another 6 months. :(

So begins the next great adventure in Super Footwear girls life:

The rest of this blog is to be entitled:
JUST ADD OCEAN.

That is just what I did. I gathered all my Czech anemones, packed them in my car and I was their Sea Queen for a day as we carted ourselves down and around Ocean City.

Miss. (Mrs.) Woo Woo works with a gorgeous foreign man at her lifeguarding job. The other day, Miss.Locquacious happened to be at their pool working a couple of extra hours and she got to talking with Mr. Czech and she decided to take him and his 4 Czech buddies to the Ocean for a day. But, how ever will 4 growing boys and Miss. Locquacious fit in one car on a three hour tour de Maryland??? Quel Domage, who will save them? But wait, look. It's a flip-flop, It's an Espedrill... NO IT'S (dun-dun-dun-dun) SUPER FOOTWEAR GIRL TO THE RESCUE!

So two gorgeous foreign men piled into my car and we headed down to the Ocean, Hon' for some fun and sun. I swear to Mattel if they ever made a line of International Ken Dolls, the one from the good ol' C-Z of%2

Soon I will begin adding pictures to this ere blogspot wonder. But I fear that this new approach to life will severely affect the anonymity of my blog and there for alter it's entire intended purpose. An aside to this disinterested audience, when I was a chile I thought that the word p-u-r-p-o-s-e was, in fact the spelling of "porpoise." a sea mammal resembling a dolphin. But that is not the case.... It's weird how skewed your perception can become when you're the only one who is allowed to alter it. I might have gone on thinking all my life that direction and meaning were interchangeable with dolphin and whale had I never had an English class...

I'm not really sure what I might like to see tonight's post develop into, as I feel I have exhausted introspection and international reflection far too many times. But what does one conversate about if not the view of the world through the scope of one's own perspective?

I had felt nearly two weeks ago that my life as I knew it had caved in on me and I might suffocate under the rubble of my bruised hubris. But now I think that I have decided yet again that life is not over...

So maybe the gold wedding dress is back in the proverbial closet. Maybe the Buick to fit twelve and the white picket fence have been exchanged for Adidas running shoes and a headset loud enough to mute a sonic boom. And maybe that's not so bad. Maybe it's time I start being me and stop waiting for someone or something to be my defining characteristic. Maybe it's time I stop wanting to be a "Mrs." and start being a "Ms." Maybe I need to find a niche of my own that I might be quite content to person all alone or with someone should the right someone reveal himself.

Yea... Right after I make a tiny kingdom out of sea anemones from a bag labeled "SEA KING IN A DAY!! ALL YOU NEED FOR YOUR UNDERWATER ADVENTURES! JUST ADD OCEAN!"...

Who knows... Maybe one day Super Footwear girl will take off the mask....

After having some time off from my social life and getting some perspective from, of all places, national news stations, I have realized something.

None of this matters. I have been so blind and I have lost my focus so much in the past year that I am just now remembering what I was supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be in the Navy. I am supposed to be seeing the world. I am supposed to be defending my country. I am supposed to be serving my God.

Not whining, not deliberating, not doubting, not questioning. Just doing.

If, in 4 months, I am still in town, someone smack me and hand me a copy of Time.

P.S. The new happy twosom had a wonderful time on MY camping trip...

Dig me a whole and type me out a paper headstone.

I am exhausted. I am lonely. My life has been kidnapped.

This whole being an adult thing blows monkeys. All my friends suck, my money is gone and my life has shriveled down to housework and work work. In short, I am in need of a vacation. One where you change your name and never come back.

One good thing about this week has been Mr. Poupon. Mr. Poupon is a new mr and I think I and right in saying that he has a thing for me... even though he has a girlfriend...

So it's not such a good thing after all.

Horrible hair, extreme Tardiness, a blown tire, two spilled cups of coffee, two uncontrollable store alarms and one life altering argument later...

All of which add up to one brilliantly horrible day in the life of Super footwear girl.

I want to write about everything that has happened and every feeling I have had since Mr. Future millionaire told me that I am not the one, but for once I think I'd rather not ponder, discuss, thinkl about or reiterate it. It happened, it is, and I am the only one having a hard time dealing with it.

yup... ain't life grand?

Fine. Take it. You want it so badly it's yours, topped off with a silk ribbon.

QUICK! Call Scotland Yard, Alert the Navy, call Maury Povich, send up the Bat signal! I have been hijacked of my life by a blonde lifeguard and I don't know what to do!

Ok, so as usual it's not as bad as all that. But I do feel miserable. I do think Miss. Woo Woo is content with the fact that she has stolen my crown and demoted me to scullery maid in my own home...

You know whith friends that are willing to rip out from beneath you your one love, your friends and your hang out scene, who needs a wicked step-mother?

Screw it. If I am to live I must first find, divide and conquer some sweet REM cycles...

Deliberate. Yak. Gammer. Discuss. Conversate. Linguistate.

Ok so theat last one might not be a real word, but we all know the focus of todays SPEECH; The uses and abuses of the human tongue.

Use: Liking a lollipop
Abuse: Getting it stuck to a frozen light post (your tongue, not the lollipop)

Use: French Kissing
Abuse: Kissing the french prime minister on television on a double dare.

Use: Telling someone you love them
Abuse: Telling someone you love their best friend
OR
Telling someone they've "gotten worse."
OR
Yelling obscenities at your boyfriend in a crowdedtheatre when everyone is preparing to watch the best theatrical display EVER, Batman Begins.

A recap of this weeks "girl meets worls (and doesn't like it)"

Best friend A tells Best friend B that he's in love with Best friend C even though he's supposed to marry Best friend B. B cries a river runnin' while C says "it's a pity this has to happen know, you're so much crazier than you were 4 years ago..." Best friend B is preparing to be written out of the soap opera...

And scene....

I've listened to Matchbox20's You won't be mine 875 times. I have cried 96 tears and thought of 300 other torturous scenarios I would prefer to the present predicament i find myself in, including, but no limited to being stuck in a telephone booth for all eternity with my mother and when I finally clear my eyes and open my mind it is all still too true.

Mr. Future millionaire still want her more than me. My heart is still cut into seven peices and scattered around the Famous Footwear nation. I would still rather run away to Asia Minor than reconcile with my two closest friends.

They still think I am just "overreacting." They're impatient for me to "grow up" and "move on." By not throwing every shoe I own at them and screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" I am being as mat ure as I can fine the strength to be. By not digging a tunnel to Turkey, I am trying to move on. By not giving him the ultimatum of loving only me or forgetting i ever existed, I am being as rational as I can be expected to be FOR A WOMAN WHO JUST LOST EVRYTHING SHE EVER THOUGHT WAS REAL TO HER BEST FRIEND.

Even my mother isn't appalled by my behavior.

Being DEVESTAED is understandable. GRIEVING OVER THE LOSS OF MY 2 (only) FRIENDS IS OK.

I can't help but be in love with him.
He can't help liking her more.
She can't help being unaffected and callous.

What is the weather like in east germany this time of year?

True. Life doesn't get much more fun. UNTIL THAT IS YOU GET A WRITTEN CITATION FROM A STATE TROOPER FOR DRIVING 22 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT.

What is to be done with me?

Someone wake me when the world isn't upside down and mars isn't in retrograde...

MORE TRUTH TIME with Little old me...

I am not really a superhero but Batman is.

Not that batman really has anything to do with the rest of this post, but I just saw Batman Begins with (SIGH) Christian Bale and Batman is my favorite superhero, so he was bound to be eluded to eventually...

I gave Mr.Future Millionaire and Ultimatum: Tell Miss.Woowoo or I will. (Dramatic aside to the audience; I had already told her not 2 minutes from the end of the phone call from mr.Future Millionaire...) He, against his own better judgments and will, told her. Then they both procceeded to chastise ME. ME! THE VICTIM... If there even is a victim when someone has feelings for another person...

He said it was between him and I, and that i shouldn't have dragged Miss. Woowoo into it.

She sid that no matter how DISTRAUGHT, DEVESTASTED, DESTITUTE, and DESPERATE I was that i should not have betrayed his confidence.

And I calmly and respectfully reapeated:

THE MAN I LOVE AND WANT TO MARRY HAS FEELING FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.

NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!!

As far as I am concerned I am the 3rd party. I shouldn';t have been dragged into this. I shouldn't have been the sole barrer of this life-ruining, soul-crushing, hope-twarting secret.

I also think that this backstabbiong, out-of-proportion, saddistic, "et tu brute" CRAP shoiuld have been locked up nice and tight and burried within the confines of HIGH SCHOOL.

Another aside to the audience: I just talked to Miss.Woowoo and she posed the question:

"Do you feel at all uncomfortable hanging out with all of us?"

My best response, "I am heartbrokena nd that is going to take sometime to get over..."

(My INWARD RESPONSE "YOU F&^%ING IDIOT? WHAT THE F*&^ IS YOUR PROBLEM? OF COURSE I AM NOT OKAY, YOU LIFE STEALING SORRY WHENCH")

Her next Connie Chung moment: "What about seperately... 2 and 2?"

My best response, "You two can hang out I just don't want to hear about it."

My inward response was much more colorful and full of tears... so we'll save that for later..

A part of my wants to forget all about it and move on with my friends at my side.

The other half of my wants to run away to mexico and never look back. Still another part has a urge to go the way of my hopes on I-97...

Arrogance took human form this week in a one Mr.Fleck. (This is his real name so don't go calling every Fleck you know and asking them if they're jerks... on second thought...)

I was formally dis-invited to Mr. Flecks party Friday night because I "am in love with him and there were a great number of girls there in love with him as well and I might be want to start something..." (his words VERBATIM)

Allow me to fill you in, Mr. Fleck. You may be cute, but this bisch ain't fightin no girl for some stupid, arrogant SPECK that I just met and (hopefully) will never see again. .. Super Footwear girl has more important main plotline drama to worry about POUR EXAMPLE...

Tell me why I have a broken heart AGAIN? I swear if feelings could be insured, any collector would be proud of the tidy sum my life would grant him. Wanna know what happened this week? Well you can't you'll just have to buy the book...

Ok fine I'll tell you, but only because I have no one else to talk to. First some backstory for those of you who can't keep up.

Mr.Future millionaire is my latest Mr. Bunny, and things have been going pretty well. We've been friends for about 5 years now, since the moment we met, and we've been in and out of Love and War ever since. Just when I thought things were coming to a comfortable resting place for our back and forth, I get a phone call...

Him:"Hey whats up... small talk small talk small talk... "
Me:"Hey everything Yakka Yakka Yakka... You're not talking so I am going to let you get some sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Well i have something to tell you but I don't want to start anything and I know you'll run your mouth..."

"Ok well, I won't tell anyone but it sounds like you're not ready to talk about it anyways and it's your business anyhow, so call me when you are ready and I'll be ready to listen..."

"But you're going to bug me about wanting to know and you'll be upset when I tell you but I have no one else to tell and WHINE WHINE WHINE I know you'll start something"

(To My self) "Start what? (DON'T BE GAY DON'T BE GAY DEAR GOD DON'T BE GAY)"

(To Him) "Well it's your business and thats coole, but if you need to talk I'm happy to listen-"

"I shouldn't have said anything because now you're going to drive me insane about not knowing and you're going to make me tell you.."

"... no I'm not-"

"FINE I'll tell you already. There I told you-"

"OH DEAR JESUS YOUR GAY!"

"No...I'm not..."

"Phew okay seriously then what is it?"

"I think I have feelings for Miss. Woowoo..."

Nothing prepared me for that. there it went. My sould climbed out of my ear, my heart dropped out of my butt and every hope I ever had was lying spread eagle on interstate 97. My response?

"I think this is a conversation for you and Miss. Woowoo. This is not my business. Please leave me alone in a padded room for all eternity and take the key and my bleeding, bruised, broken heart along with you...."

Well, ok, just the first two lines made it out.

Super Footwear girl has a special power aside from her mad footwear skills. That power is the power of intuition. It is the power of knowing who her very best friend in all the world has feelings for.

In short, I have no right to be surprised. I knew about it. I knew about his feeling and his secret smile for her and his hearts direction. It still broke my heart. I spent so much time knowing and trying to figure out false reasons that it couldn't be true, but i knew.

Now I am presented witha dilemma far beyond crying myself to sleep everynight. I am sworn to secrecy by Mr.Future Millionaire to keep this ridiculous news a secret. THE MAN I LOVE AND WANT TO MARRY TOLD ME HE HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND I CAN'T BE ANGRY AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ALL BY MYSELF.

Life doesn't get much more fun than that.

People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along
Let's move it along

I am moving out of "the House." For those of you who know, smile and nod, for those of you in the dark, sorry about your luck.

Aside from the stress of yet again packing up all of my wordly possessions to move out of somewhere I never thought i would be into another house that represents not one of my dreams, I don't quite remember sleeping this week. I just keep going and doing and and being and I am exhausted. I just want one sweet dreamless night of sleep where I can drink up all the nothingness and be completely aloine and unstimulated in my own little world. But like the great and powerful traceria once said, "You mgiht as well deal with it, because it only just gets worse."

So much for that power nap, I'm off to do more packing and conoodling with Mr.Future Millionaire...

Hey! Stop that! I don't even have time to THINK about that let alone DO it...

I would like to provide you with an extended version of the past few days, provided I can remember everything accurately.

Thursday night was (thankfully) quite uneventful as far as the life and times of Super Footwear Girl. Aside from driving home in front of a tractor trailer that refused to turn on his headlights, all was well.

Friday is where the story lies. Friday was Mr. Future Millionaires surprise party, hosted by moi, of course. I got him the cutest cake and invited a whole slew of poeple that I was sure he hadn't seen in a while. We took sickeningly cute pictures and played uno and trivial pursuit and, much to everyones delight and my perplexion, Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. I did not however follow through on my promise to Hott Stuff of a Pinata, and everyone was kind of bummed about that (in case you were wondering, he was turning nineteen... hence my quizical state...)

All in all, I'm pretty proud of myself. I think this will have been a memorable moment for all involved.

Here's to another year....

As usual I wrote a really great post which I cannot remember last night about Mr. Future Millionaire and something else but I erased to with the swift click of my fingers. Honestly I think I aught to switch to a typewriter...

I am pooped right now and that is about as intellectually stimulating as I can be. I have stayed up WAY past my bed time every night this week and I am POOPED. Tonight was Mr. Future Millionaires surprise party. AS USUAL, things did not go as planned, but I think he was thouroughly surprised and excited. I nearly melted the cake (well, not nearly... a second longer and it would have been too far gone even to make smores.. and yeah, I said MELTED and I meant it...) The honoree was an hour later than expected and half the guest list disapeared out of our time space continum, but I think all in all everything was fun for all.

Thats all I have for you tonight/ this morning. Like I said... WAY PAST MY BED TIME.

i was going to come home as quickly as I could and then collapse on my unmade bed and sleep until the cows come home after the last two days have been the worst thing EVER. Then I decided to take 695 home instead of 895 because I am the BIGGEST IDIOT IN THE WORLD.

I thought, "Hey, it's late, the only people taking 695 at this hour are truckers, and they know how to drive so i can hide from the cops, floor it, and make it home in time for a camomile tea and some PJs before I hit the bed, sleepy face first..."

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. SO WRONG. WRONGER THAN WOOL COATS AROUNG LAMBCHOP. WRONGER THAN "NEWLYWEDS: THE LIFE AND TIME OF JESSICA AND NICK." WRONGER THAN HIGH HEELS ON THE BEACH.

2 and a half hours later, I walked in, well deserved slurpee in hand and I sat down to blog.

Well, not really. i sat down and instinctually checked my computer for any messages or new goings-ons, and found this message waiting from Miss.Loquacious:

you should write a book and try to get it published. and i am so serious about that. your blog cracks me up while wondering the whole time what is gonna happen next, lol, even though it is your real life. you would be a millionaire. lol, and if not, at least i would buy a copy

A big thank you to all my fans, but I have to say, I don't think I could write a book. I'm not capable of making this stuff up. FOR INSTANCE...

TODAYS ADVENTURE OF "SUPER FOOTWEAR GIRL"

"See you later, super footwear girl, I'm heading out"

"Bye district manager guy who tries to ruin my life every chance he gets. It was nice to see you as always..." (BIG FAKE SMILE ON MY FACE WITH A BLINKING SIGN OVER MY HEAD READING "LIAR")

Suddenly, Super footwear girl feels a tickle in her throat! How will she remedy her latest ailment? A Drink, she thinks, a drink will do just fine. And she has one, in the back office... So, super footwear girl traverses the long and arduous journey all the way to the back of the store, careful to not exhaust herself in the process. She reaches the back door, walks through the porthole, attempts to walk inot the office and SMACK! CRASH! SHE HITS HER NOSE ON THE COLD, FLAT, CLOSED OFFICE DOOR. Silly district manager man, he shut the office. No problem, I'll just turn the handle and---AHHHH! OH NO!! THE DOOR IS HOPELESSLY LOCKED!! AND YOU'RE UTILITY BELT (purse with the keys to the store) IS IN THERE! A key in the safe... There must be a key in the safe... BUT NO, THWARTED AGAIN BY FATE, SUPER FOOTWEAR GIRL. HOW WILL YOU SAFE YOURSELF NOW?

I ended up spending an hour dragging a ladder bigger than my house out of the stock room, popping out and breaking 3 ceiling tiles, and using the autopole adjuster to James Bond my way into the back office. Needless to say, the last two days have afforded super footwear girl more trouble than an entire season's worth of kiddie super hero shows. And on top of it all, the drive home are just the icing on a tradgically horrible cake o'life right now.

But Mr. Future Millionaire makes it all ok with the little things sometimes. He told me last night to call him today and I didn't get to before he could reach me. 2:300 and 3 o'clock saw him calling and the 4 o'clock hour was strictly phone tag. Finally, he leaves a message that sounds a little like this:

"Hey, I think you got kidnapped... Cause the last number was not the work number I know and I keep trying to call you and you keep not answering. If you have been kidnapped, don't worry... it's ok. Just call me back and hang up when you get a chance and I'll get someone on that... I mean, I'm probably not going to go to it right away, I'll probably be to busy for the next like two days... But I will send someone to find you, I promise. So just call back and hang up... yeah..."

Gold. Memoirs Gold right there people...

Thats why he's going to be a millionaire...

I started working at a new store today and I am officially a "commuter," which, lemme tell you, sucks. It sucks even more when there is a ridiculous lightening/thunder/rain storm that rumbles up out of nowhere and pounds every inch of road way from her to egypt.

When my mall started having black outs and my windows were shaking with thunderclaps, I started theorizing the buiilding of an arc out of cardboard shoe boxes and Famous Footwear tape. Then I realized that Noah started building a lifetime before the rains actually hit and I would have no chance in a blue hell to make it out alive... At that point, I climbed into my car/river named (insert one of my cars many names here) and hydroplaned my way out of Bowie and Northward... oh yes, INTO the storm...

A funnier weather occurance though I think was the emmsene amount of fog that blanketed the land this morning at 7:30. I set my alarm early, thinking I could have time to prepare You-Know-what for You-Know-Who (laughable, I know, seeing as I stayed up until 12 last night with You-Know-Who, not preparing You-Know-What and loving every minute...) I left Mr. Future Millionaire a text message this morning telling him to be careful and good luck on his new promotion :) :) :) Then I called him tonight to see how it went but or conversation went something like this:

INTENSE POUNDING RAIN IN THE BACKGROUND
"HEY, HOW WAS YOU'RE DAY?"
"Fine yours?"
"FINE... I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT YOUR NEW JOB WAS LIKE"
" I can't talk about it, but it was fine"
(can't talk about it because he's going to be a millionaire and he's in millionaire training...)
"Well, ok I was just calling to say hi I guess"
"Ok, well call me tomorrow and maybe I can tell you more... be careful coming home..."
"I will"

Nothing big. But nothing little either.

I just like recording everything. It'll be great for our kids to read :)

Wow.

I don't know how to describe what i am feeling. I am content and anxious all at the same time. I am free and chained to something/someone/some idea. I am unyeilding yet sofly giving in. I am a mass of enigmatic matter, raveled in and around myself.

I am in love.

Maybe not. But I surely wouldn't be surprised. No, I really don't know what this is. If it is love I can admit that I know nothing of love nor life and I must recant all that I stand for and humble myself to my barest resemblance.

It was Mr. Future Millionaire's birthday yesterday and we went to see and movie (we being him, myself and Miss.Woowoo) and then we went to a late night denny's hit up for a birthday sundae and a turkey sandwich. I gave him a funny card, we took cute photos together, the kind that only best friends take at one in the morning in the middle of their court when they can't think of anything better to do, and we had some moments in the car, just him and I. NO, not those kind of moments... just talking moments. Moments where we thought, in depth, about the fact that we have been friends for 5 years now. Moments of encouragement as friends where we all but said "I love you and I stand by any decision you should choose to make because I know you'll succeed"

Now I am having (twice as many) dreams about him. Dreams about him and I, married with twins that look just like him and a dog the looks like like his and a picket fence. But they're just dreams and that's ok... Or maybe it's the worst thing in the world because I have no idea what i am feeling. And I have no idea what to tell him. Is it ok for me to tell him I love him? Do I love him? Is it proper for me to tell him that I want to be with him even after all I have put him through?

Last night he called me princess. In a joking way ("What would you like to listen to on MY radio, PRINCESS?") But when i said, "I am so glad I am a princess..." He didn't object. And it wasn't mean or patronizing, it was nearly natural that he should call me princess and then do exactly what I ask... This is where I get so confused... because of the little things. The driving when I ask him to drive and just because I ask him to. The adjusting of the temperature because I'm cooler than I'd like to be. The flowers when he's mad at himself for making me slightly annoyed. The smile I get when I smile at him. The softness when I answer his phone calls. The candid conversations about life and money and future and love.

I guess I am resovled in thinking that he just wants a good friend... Someone to hang out with and talk to whenever.... That's natural, Right?

But it just feels so... so small, compared to what I see just beyond all this small talk and the casual outtings. The desire that I have to be with him is growing in the most unusual way. I want to see how he turns out in 20 years. I want to see what business he has, what his kids look like, what car he drives, what jeans he likes... I want to see the next 20 , 30, 70 years with him as my best friend. My date to every wedding, my partner in crime, my "I know everything about you" person, My other half while still being wholly me...

It feels like I have come home and like I am on the biggest adveture of my life all in one.

Wow.

Fathers be good to your daughters daughters will love like you do...

I was thinking today of changing my blogging format. You know, mixing it up a bit. I was going to have one of those "What I am listening to" tag lines and a blog that is filled with poigniant social commentary such as the importance of Pop 40 radio in north eastern America and the pop culture movement that is Lindsay Lohan. But then I re-thought. I think the world has enough useless people talking baout enough other useless people and I think it is safe for me to remain in my annonomity and free-thought filled, self centered blogging genre. Sorry if all that "what-ifing" was a tease for you few and faithful... Guess you'll have to give in and buy an US weekly.

i wonder sometimes if the peole who I write about A) KNow their names in this format and B) care. Mr. Hampster, do you hate the way I tell the world about your evil doings? Mr. Future Millionaire, do you not like me as much as I like you and do you hate me referring to you so frequently and with unwaivering devotion? Miss. Woowoo, do you hate that name? Well I know that last one's not true, because you made it up... But at any rate, the things I think about when I think about Blogging in general...

Maybe I should let my days play out before I try writing a blog entry, but in any case here's the rest from yesterday...

Mr. Future Millionaire called me at five oclock but I was at my mom's and left me a pathetic, whiny, desperate message, wanting to see me. I called him back at like seven and left a message. He calls me back (our usual game of phone tag) and wants to know hwat I, Hott Stuff Baby and Miss.Woo woo are doing for the night.

I don't know why?

"Well you call Miss. Woo woo and I'll call Hott Stuff and you find out what we're doing tonight..."

Ok fine... So Woowoo worked until 8 and wasn't prepared to hang out until 9:30. When I told Millionaire about this he was fine with it but he said that he would call me at 9;20 to make sure that I called Woowoo in time. I resigned to take a nap (All these late nights and excitement are killing me...) and who calls and wakes me up a half an hour early? Of course, I can't be normal and just ignore his call I have to answer and see what he wants and invite him to come over and hang out until I hear from Woowoo... Which meant that I had to clean my room, doo my hair, change my outfit 8 times, feel how warm it was outside, make sure my room smelled good, Make sure I smelled good... The list seemed endless and I had approximatly 28 and a half minutes to do all of this before he showed up on my doorstep... But he came and we went and it was fun (I a never again playing Maonopoly with a future millionaire...) And we left Woo woo's house at, oh yes, one am in the friggin morning. Truthfully I was too tired to drive and soooo thankful that the deal involved his driving us around, but just as I htought that and reclined my chair to sleep on the car ride home he turns to me, yawns and says "I'm too tired to drive you home, why don't you just come and spend the night?"

...

While that was a genius idea at the moment, I knew "ca va mal finir" So I just told him "no thanks, I don't think your mom would like too much to come down her stairs at 8 in the morning and find me sleeping on her designer couch..." And he just answered, "You know that's not true... if you slept on the couch my mom would probably yell at me for not offering you Aaron's room..." While this is completly true in the tired puppy loving man's mind, in actual practice I can bet things would have played out much differently had Mr.Future MIllionaires mom discovered me on her designer couch sleeping at eight in the morning. I suppose it would have gone somehting like this:

"WHAT IN THE -PROFANITY PROFANITY- IS GOING ON HERE!? WEEZY GET YOUR SORRY -PROFANE- OFF OF MY -PROFANITY- COUCH AND GET THE -PROFANE- OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU -PROFANITY, FEMALE DOG PROFANITY- RIGHT NOW!! AND TAKE YOUR -PROFANITY- GLASSES WITH YOU!!!"

The above is a specified general reaction of any mom to any over night girlfriend stay of which they are uninformed.

TRUST ME.

Then I would have been stranded at Mr. MIllionaires house in the middle of Bum Essex with no way home and undoubtably broken glasses.

Thank goodness I can think on my tired toes. No matter how much I might have liked to accept his offer...

So I have some good news.. and I have some bad news...

Bad news, I had that dream again last night. The dream where my grandmother is still alive but she is in perilous danger. Actually, it was a bit different this time. This time, she was very much alive and we were talking on the phone and I could drive over to seeher if I wanted. She reprimanded me for not keeping in touch the last 8 years, but "no matter since I had called now, she wouold forget the whole thing if only I would come and visit for a while." So I jumped in my car, I turned the key and... nothing. I was in White Marsh and I neded to get to Parkville in 20.32 minutes or my fully alive grandmother would disown me. I called my mom and explained that grandma had never died, thank God and she had invited me over but my car wouldn't start, could she please some get me and take me there? Her response: "we're on our way to grandma's right now.. and of course she's alive,w hat'd you think she had died? she only just moved across the street.." just as my mother said that, my car gave a great heave and a puff of smoke and micaraculously came back to life. No bother, ma I can get there myself, just please tell me where she moved "8300..." was her response. 8300? 8300 maple wood? 8300 Townhill drive? what apartment was 8300? was it an apartment? No big deal, I drove my happy (dream) self to Parkville in record time (because Apaerently I am a dreamy speed deamon as I am in real life) and I see a new condo development right across the street from where she used to live. By this time she has called me back but all I have heard on my line was "CRRRRRRRRR-LOUI-CRRRRRR-OK?-CRR-BYE" So much for asking her where i might find her. But 8300... ok. I look through the whole building, top to bottom. the doors are numbered in single digits... 20 all together. So it's not the right building. Again, no big deal. I call my mother again and plead for direction "8300 what ma?" "I've told you a million times and YELL YELL YELL" Then my father picks up the phone "LEAVE YOU'RE MOTHER ALONE YOU SORRY HALF BREED YOU'RE GRANDMOTHER DOESN'T NEED YOU" I couldn't find her. I traveled around everywhere and the sun went down and everyone I passed in my panting, smoking heaving car screamed "8300 LAME ASS" and "WHERE ARE YOU GOING, SHE'S THAT WAY" While this was, by far, not the worst perilous grandma dream, (one had a plot line of poisoned milk that everyone was try9ing to give her and I was the only one who could protect her. Another still involded arson and clowns... boy was that one a doosey...) but nontheless, it was a bit distressing.

To solve my distressful grandma dreams and maybe to finally show my mind that I know where she is and that I can't lose her and that she can't die again and that clowns had nothing to do with her eternal salvation, I decided to take a solo trip to the cemetary today. I was going to leave some flowers (which are part of the good news half of my day) and I was going to kick and scream and wrestle with God and cry and laugh and talk to her and talk to God and tell her everything and walk away realizing that she's gone and that's ok... And then I got to the cemetary. And I never really realized this, but there are like 8,500 graves there. And all of them are gravemarkers that sit in the ground, not headstones that protrude like landmarks... And then I realized that I haven't been to her grave since I was 9 years old and that there are approximatly 256 trees and 37 different views of the Virigin Mary holding Jesus and of the marble carving of the Last Supper (my only concious land marks) So I wandered around the cemetary for an hour and a half with my flowers, sunglasses, and sweater in hand and no I never did find her. The search continues in my dreams, I suppose...

Now for some Good news that I would love to tell my grandmother:

Mr. Future Millionaire brought me flowers last night. Pretty daisies of all sorts of unnatural colors. Don't get too jealous girls, it was one of those "what did he do wrong?" kind of things, but still very sweet. So what did he do wrong? Nothing really. He called me like 8 times between friday night a saturday afternoon "just to talk" and to invite me to the O's Game. The last time we talked on saturday I told him that I was going to crash his home in about a half in hour to bug him while he watched Star Wars. He said "Fine but you can crash with my mom cause I'm not leaving my room" Sure enough I got there and his mom made great company, but he had nothing to say but "Hi." Well, I turned my happy (real) self right around and left answering his "Do you want to hang out later?" With a terse "Why don't you call my whenever you're ready and I'll think about it..." He never called. Instead I get a mysterious late night call from Hot Stuff Baby (a good looking friend of my who named himself that...) during my viewing of Legally Blonde.

"What are you doing?" (Actually this was his girlfriend talking)

Nothing.

"Well, where are you?"

Miss.Woo woo's, why where are you?

"I don;t know, Hot Stuff, where are we? Mountain road. Hot Stuff says Mr.Millionaire has been looking all over for you"

Really? Why? He hasn't called me or anything...

"I don't know, Hot STuff said he called and he was being a jerk or something... (Hot Stuff Pipes up in the background, thats not was I said you're putting words in my mouth yadda yadda yadda...)

After all the confusion, all I got from the rest of the toss-off-phone contest was that Millionaire was looking for me and he was/did/was going to act like a jerk and I was instructed to answer the phone when he called. Ok fine.. Then I got a call not two minutes later (Hot Stuff AGAIN) saying to disregard the previous call. What call? Exactly...

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Miss Woowoo: "If thats hot stuff and his girlfriend, kick them out"

Lo and Behold, out pops Mr. Future millionaire, flowers in hand. :) "I was being a real jerk earlier and I hope you forgive me..."

OF COURSE I DO, AREN'T YOU THE CUTEST THING THE THE WORLD? I'D LIKE TO ORDER 12 BABIES TO GO, THANK YOU!!!!

Yea, I'd say he's back...