This is not a dream.

"Don't be shy, today may be your last chance"

That is a direct quote from my facebook status a few days ago. For some reason, I had been caught up in this overwhelming depression. I was being crushed under midterms and expectations and general fed-up-ness with my life when I realized this thought:

Today might just be my last chance.

Life is so unpredictable. God, if there is one thing I know for sure, life is unpredictable. Life is not simply unpredictable, it is fearfully and wonderfully unpredictable.

Yesterday was our last chance to gather near our dear friend- to wish him well, to kiss his cheek, to listen to his stories, to make him comfortable.

Yesterday the world lost a shining beacon of hope in a sea of general malaise.

Yesterday, TJ Roberts said "Goodnight world" one last sweet serene time.

If you didn't know TJ, I am sorry.
If you did know TJ, weren't we lucky?

TJ was a bright young man with a passion for just about everything. He loved his job and was very talented. He loved his friends and never left even one person behind. He loved his family and thought of them always.

Tj was the kind of man who was a dozen different people all rolled into one.

He was a professional mentor, always taking the time to teach and share his genius with those around him. In an extremely competative and dying industry, he reached out to everyone he knew and leant whatever help he could, even if that meant taking time out of his own schedule to do so.

He was the life of the party, always running, always laughing, always talking, always brightening the room before him. He had a way of making everyone in the room feel as though he was thankful they came, thankful that he was blessed with their presence, happy to have guests and friends all around.

He was an amazing brother. Both biologically and spiritually. Everyone was TJ's friend from the moment he met them and every friend was family. He had an answer for every problem, and antecdote for every situation, a shoulder for every tear. His love for everyone was not contrived. It didn't stem from anything remotely selfish. It was pure and genuine. TJ loved you with a passion and wanted to see you prosper.

TJ was a son to many mothers, making each one proud and warm in his way. My own mother loved him dearly as a son and a friend. they shared car rides togehter often and when they did, my mom's resounding thoughts were always,"That boy can talk, but I love him." When his brother had his beautiful baby boy Dominic, it felt like my mom was the first person TJ called. He was so desperate to send her a picture of the baby that he took one with his phone and sent it to mine so I could show her. Her first reaction? "God help us, he's a little TJ!"

God help us, we all needed a little TJ.

There are a dozen regrets- moments we did not spend with him, calls we didn't return, thank you's we never said. There is a lot of hurt and angry feelings that a man so young, so great, so influential in his way would be taken so unfairly and so suddenly.

But in the light of this tragedy, I offer you all this thought:

Don't be shy, this could be your last chance.

Your last chance to touch some one.
Your last chance to thank some one.
Your last chance to love some one.
Your last chance to apologize.

Return the phone calls, accept the dinner invitations, cry on their shoulder, lend them an ear, run that errand for them, answer those texts, friend them on facebook, send those emails- do whatever it takes because today, right here, this moment is the moment. Today is the day.

Mima once said, "You only go this way once, so find a way to go."

Thank you, TJ.

Please don't Breaka my Fingahs.

I owe you all so many posts, I am afraid I have a hit out on me.

I'm not sure what is worse, having a hit out on me or worrying that it would be extremely low.

I promise I will resume your regularly scheduled postings after I stop losing my mind over everything seemingly all at once.

Here is what you have to look forward to:

The Boy's Sidekick in life, as yet unnamed
Money troubles. What do they call this thing, a recession?
Girlie problems. Damn being female.
Young John and Benny, of course.
The Boy, obviously
The Ex- which is never really fun but I just have a lot to say on that front. Mostly old news, but I feel it, so I must write it.
A million other thought, feelings, droolings, dreamings, schemings, and seemings.

For now, Back to you in the studio.